So I installed this little counter on my page - perhaps you've noticed - and it supposedly tracks the countries that my visitors are from. Thirty-nine visitors and nine countries based on the latest count. That's pretty cool, because I'm personally aware of about three people who actually read this. I mean, I put it out there, right, but who knows who reads it and who doesn't. Haha....
I was thinking yesterday or the day before how blogs - the internet in general - have taken all the private thoughts and moments and escalated them to this global level. And though I am generally a very private person - really, I am - there's this anonymity here that I like. An anonymity and at the same time, it gives these things a sense of validity. Does that make sense?
I've been kicking around a few ideas lately. I probably have enough material for a week's worth of blog entries, so I'm trying to figure out which topic to go with or whether I should put together a mish-mash of everything I've been thinking.
First there's this:
Don't be fooled by the happy merengue rhythm - there's a sharp social criticism in there. The sad thing is how still relevant it is:
"El costo de la vida sube otra vez el peso que baja, ya ni se ve y las habichuelas no se pueden comer ni una libra de arroz, ni una cuarta e café a nadie le importa qué piensa usted ¿será porque aquí no hablamos inglés? .... Y la gasolina sube otra vez el peso que baja, ya ni se ve y la democracía no puede crecer si la corrupción juega ajedrez a nadie le importa qué piensa usted ¿será porque aquí no hablamos francés?"
In English: "The cost of living has gone up again/the dollar falls so low.../we can't even eat beans/nor a pound of rice, nor a fourth of coffee/ and no one cares what you think/ Is it because we don't speak English?//And gas goes up again/ the dollar falls so low.../and democracy can't grow/if corruption plays chess/ and no one cares what you think/ Is it because we don't speak French?"
Second, I spent most of Friday thinking about MLK Jr. Not even kidding. I'd be running copies or teaching or grading and pieces of "I've Been to the Mountaintop" would pop into my head. It helps that NPR was doing a special on Dr. King all week, but there was something about those words, that prescience in those final lines, that gives me goosebumps. The thing is, and it's kinda like the song above, in a sense, that these words could be spoken RIGHT NOW, and they'd pull at me. I'd understand that urgency, the need for change and justice. We've come a long way, yes, but there's a long road still to be walked. This is my favorite part:
Be concerned about your brother. You may not be on strike. But either we go up together, or we go down together. Let us develop a kind of dangerous unselfishness.
It's the kind of phrase that echoes in my skull. I'm far from dangerously unselfish, but I want to get there. The context, the gist of his speech, reminds me of my favorite MLK quote, from "Letter from a Birmingham Jail":
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
I believe that. Believe it with everything in me. There is injustice in this world, and as I sit by and watch it, I'm putting my treasured liberties and rights at risk. I've come away with this clear conviction that there has be more that I can do. It's not enough to complain and pray and vote. It's not enough. There needs to be a movement of people working to break these patterns of injustice, this institutionalized injustice. I'm not saying revolution, but maybe. Maybe...
I feel a little like El Che, stringing together my own motorcycle diaries, putting together these moments of injustice, this collage of faces - the faces of every social sin and political issue that has ever crossed my mind - these moments where the world is completely at odds with the Kingdom of God.... This is the pain I think modern Christianity has cast aside: the pain for our fellow man, the pain of seeing selfishness and arrogance reign, masquerading as faith....
I'm coming to my conclusions.
That said... Third: Every day I feel like I'm seeing myself a little more clearly. I've always said that the better you know God the more you realize how hopelessly inadequate you are, and that's becoming clear to me. I'm selfish, arrogant, blinded. I'm guarded, hiding behind walls that have been built, knocked down, and rebuilt countless times. I'm not the person I'd like to be. But I guess that's the point:
For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength. Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord." 1 Corinthians 1:25-31
So I realized today that I don't own a backpack. I have ONE hoodie. I can count the number of sneakers I own on one hand. My denim jacket is shaped like a pea coat. I never leave the house without earrings.
This is why I've had so many people tell me that they thought I was prissy when they first met me. And then they get to know me and realize I'm a fairly low-maintenance girl with an impeccable sense of fashion. ;)
Disclaimer: I haven't slept more than four hours a night since last Friday, my work week was hectic, and I worked out way too hard yesterday. I cannot be held responsible for anything I type. ;)
In an attempt to destress, I was thinking about some singularly beautiful songs. This is what I've come up with:
1. "Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight and the Pips.
It's a haunting kind of song when you really listen to it. This man who goes out to LA to chase a dream and doesn't make it, that return to his home in defeat, but at least he returns with the woman who loves him. There's a bit of bittersweetness in her leaving her own life behind to follow him as well. Sacrifice, failed dreams, lessons learned.... Good stuff.
2. "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon and Garfunkel.
I love me some Paul Simon, I really do, and this won't be his only appearance on this list. This song, however, is a classic. It's about friendship, loyalty, devotion. Lovely.
3. "Ordinary People" by John Legend
First, that man has some pretty, pretty eyes. Second, this is that rare intersection of perfect song and perfect video. "Cause we're ordinary people, maybe we should take it slow.... This ain't a movie, y'all; no fairy tale conclusion..." and yet, you come out of it still believing that things can work. Well done, Mr. Legend.
4. "Lamento Borincano" written by Rafael Hernández, sung by Daniel Santos
This is a truly Latin story. A man from the country heads into town with his goods for sale. He's all hopeful at first, but the people in his country are so poor they can't buy anything, and off he returns home with a heavy heart. Who will save Puerto Rico? Good question....
5. "Bendita la luz" by Maná and Juan Luis Guerra
Those blessed connections with people, blessed destiny that puts people together, blessed be God for orchestrating all of that.
6. "Mojado" by Ricardo Arjona
Another perfect song and video combo. It sums up all that nostalgia for what you have to leave behind with the need to emigrate. It captures the desperation of anonymity that undocumented people feel. "If we are issued a universal visa at birth that expires when we die, why do they persecute you, mojado, if Heaven gave you permission?"
7. "Born in Puerto Rico" by Paul Simon (video features José Feliciano and Paul Simon)
This is one of those songs that I just feel. "I was born in Puerto Rico and my blood is Taíno; Spanish-Caribbean, my soul. We came here wearing summer clothes in winter...." That, my friends, is me.
8. "Redemption Songs" by Bob Marley
"How long will they kill our prophets while we stand aside and look?....Won't you help me sing another song of freedom?" Yes, Bob.
9. "Solamente" by Fiel a la Vega
My favorite lines: "And sometimes happiness seems utopian to me, like a Marxist dream, like a romantic song; but if you draw close with your emancipating fingers....you will revive my idea of redemption" This song is so brilliant. It really is....
10. "Jesus Walks" by Kanye West
"I wanna talk to God, but I'm afraid 'cause we ain't talked in so long" That honesty is heartbreakingly beautiful. And lines about Jesus walking with murderers, drug dealers, strippers? Yes. Shocking, disconcerting, but lovely.
11. "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley
I was going to leave it at ten, but I couldn't leave this song out. You know what does it for me? "And love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken 'Hallelujah'."
Yo no soy monedita de oro para caerle bien a todos. I'm not a gold coin so that everyone can like me.
It's been tumbling in my head for days, and has been appropriate in so many occasions thus far (with the fam, at GC, at work, with other people....) I am what I am. I'm far from perfect, and I'm the first to admit it. I don't want to be put on a pedestal, nor do I want to be viewed as less than. I'll admit I've got some stuff going for me.
I'll never agree with everyone on everything and I'm okay with that. All I ask is that you do the same. The sooner we accept differences, the better off we are. There's no use in wanting to conform the people we care about into the people we wish they were. If that's all you're trying to do, then the depth of your caring for that person has to be questioned.
Here's another one:
No le pidas peras a los olmos. Don't ask elms to give you pears.
Things are what they are; people are what they are; life is what it is. Don't ask it to be what it's not. Go to the right source for what you need. If you need perfection, look to God. You'll never be satisfied looking for it in your fellow man. We are all beautifully flawed. And guess what? That's how we're supposed to be. It's how God set things up: so that He could be glorified in our shortcomings; so that everyone would know how utterly incapable each individual is without Him.
"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at me worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe
