Insomniac, AGAIN!

I'm exhausted, but there's so much on my mind that I can't sleep just yet.

1. I'm official for Eastern. Which means I'm really leaving VA, really going to Philly, really going to be super broke, really going back to school.

2. Schools OUT. Kids are gone, grades are in, and I'm just cleaning up my room. I can't believe I'm leaving. It's a bittersweet thing....

3. I have a summer job. It's the one I wanted from the beginning. I start training on Sunday - extra money is a good thing....

4. BK was here with her friend A. We had a blast and went dancing, had amazing food, and generally had a good time.

5. Had a chill day with Stinky yesterday. Awww, Happy Fathers' Day to him!

6. I have to pack for LA - totally haven't started and I don't really know where to begin. Guess that'll be a job for this time tomorrow....

7. Still have about five cds to make for the wedding. DJs should never cancel.... I like making the mixes, but I don't know if it's exactly what Cristina wanted. We don't exactly have the same taste in music, but I'm trying....

8. I have a date tomorrow night with A. Smiling hard thinking about it. We'll see, how it goes....

9. All the unexpected things.... That too. Good and bad - they're on my mind.

Insomnia

Songs I'm listening to and want to share:

NOTE: Seriously, don't think too much about these. I'm just enjoying a little music late at night.

1. "Stereo" by John Legend

Frequent readers know that I love this man's eyes. BEAUTIFUL man! I'm a huge fan of this song, too. You know how you think you know someone because you listen to their music or see them on tv? And how you fall in love with that persona? He's so good at explaining that.

2. "No" by Shakira

I love Shaki. I love this song. Sad, but there's still a toughness.

3. "A la primera persona" by Alejandro Sanz

Another one of my favorite singers. There's a melancholy to this one that I just feel; it's like I don't even have to pay attention to the lyrics, it's in the tone of his voice, in the feel of the video, in the music itself. Love it.

4. "Through the Wire" by Kanye West

I heart him. Scratch that, I have a serious crush on this man. Y'all know. This is my second favorite of his songs (Number one is "Jesus Walks"). In anticipation of the concert, I'm getting a little Ye love....

5. "Dumb it Down" by Lupe Fiasco

Sharp critique of the current state of hip hop. This man is a genius. Also looking forward to seeing him on Saturday.

6. "Pa' ti no estoy" Rosana

One of those great kiss off songs. Here's the other thing I love: music in Spanish from the Canary Islands. There's a nice international vibe to her music, even if the videos are disgustingly cheesy.

7. "Murder She Wrote" by Chaka Demus and Pliers

Hot, hot, hot. One of my all-time favorite songs to dance to. It's the sound of summer.

8. "Mi credo" by Tiziano Ferro and Pepe Aguilar

The sexy. Mmmmm, those voices.... This is one of those that I like in theory. It's nice to listen to, but I wouldn't actually live this one out, you know? A little over the top, but still a pretty song.


9. "Crossroads" by Tracy Chapman

I'm trying to protect what I keep inside. She's pretty much brilliant; her's is the kind of music that stands the test of time, you know?

10. "Frontin'" by Pharrell.

Classic. Nuff said.


As I'm looking back, it's pretty obvious that my musical tastes are pretty diverse.... I like MUSIC.

Sleep deprivation

So I realized today that I don't own a backpack. I have ONE hoodie. I can count the number of sneakers I own on one hand. My denim jacket is shaped like a pea coat. I never leave the house without earrings.

This is why I've had so many people tell me that they thought I was prissy when they first met me. And then they get to know me and realize I'm a fairly low-maintenance girl with an impeccable sense of fashion. ;)

Disclaimer: I haven't slept more than four hours a night since last Friday, my work week was hectic, and I worked out way too hard yesterday. I cannot be held responsible for anything I type. ;)

Snow...

It's snowing. The first big blizzard of the year. It's supposed to get worse, and so far, we've got at least two inches. After the snow, they're calling for sleet, after that, icy roads. Who's hoping they cancel school tomorrow? Ha, ha.

I hate snow - hate winter in general - but I love snow days. I'm already anticipating a day of packing and cleaning and grading papers while enjoying some fine Netflix selections. Let me not jinx myself though....

The past week and a half has been rough. I think (crossing fingers) that I'm coming to the top of that hill, though, and that it'll be smoother from here on out. I've got a few things to look forward to: MLK Jr. Day on Monday, M's visit that Friday, and the beginning of the semester. That brings me that much closer to Philly. I've set a deadline for myself: I must apply by Valentine's day. Why V Day? Why the heck not?

I've been a serious insomniac - I'm too stressed to sleep, but also too stressed to work. Go figure. That alone can make you feel like you're fighting your way through a permanent fog. Throw in the stress of exam review, friendship crises, a friend's death, and the need to move, and you've got a highly volatile situation. I am feeling like I need a vacation, and urgently. Of course, there's no time or money for that right now. Boo.

I haven't felt this frazzled since my first year of teaching when I felt like I couldn't get my head above water. Before that, it was exam time in college just before I went off to Costa Rica. The thing is, I hate this feeling. I don't know what to let go of: GC, Spanish Club, EDGE, two churches (could I just settle on one?), family, friends, working out, personal time.... The personal time is taking the biggest cut. I'm no fun these days. Ha, ha.

In more exciting news, M's coming to town for his birthday. I haven't seen him in about four years. I was in Atlanta the last time we hung out. Goodness, I do miss that man.... It'll be good to see him, even if it brings back a boatload of memories - both good and bad. I'm looking forward to it - sometimes it's the only thing that gets me through the days. I just have to get through one more week, and then I'll see him - and it's a short work week, so it's even better. He'll be my reward after semester exams.

I found this video that I used to love - one of those songs I still don't totally understand, but that I can feel - and it seems appropriate for M's upcoming visit. Like I said, I still don't totally get the lyrics (¿delfines en tu voz? Whaaat?), but there are some parts that I connect with, almost instinctively. They sing about not knowing whether to feel or to think, because even now, they love eachother. Hmm....

Look at my...

Insomnia hard core. I can't sleep - too much on my mind. Thought I'd write a bit to see if I could get some of the stress out.

This is my favorite song lately - I'm so DC - and maybe I'm not quite at "phatty" status, but I do have a li'l Puerto Rican booty. So, the video isn't a real video, the point is the song.


So stinkin' catchy. And the video is forever long because it's got "Look at my Phatty" followed by "Stop the Violence" (love the juxtaposition).

And, that, folks, is DC's signature sound: Go-go.

Fiel makes me happy...

Ah, time for the sigh of relief. Exams are written. Everything is ready to be turned in tomorrow. Oh, and it's Thursday night. Maybe I'll be able to shake off this insomnia now.

I've been feeling like I'm living in a García Márquez novel - Cien Años de Soledad, to be exact - with the insomnia epidemic; lack of sleep makes everything feel like magical realism.

The good thing is that I've had a lot of time for introspection, something I was kinda needing. Today these lyrics just popped into my head and I couldn't get over how perfect they are for my current situation. They're from one of my favorite songs in the wide world by my favorite band ever, ever.

The song is "Solamente", the band: Fiel a la Vega, and the lyrics are as follows:
"Y la felicidad
A veces me está utópica señor
Como un sueño de Marx
Como una romántica canción
Pero si acercas tus dedos de enmancipación
Y liberas mi sed del dolor del sol
Remojas mis huellas por germinar
Retallas mi rostro sin descifrar
Rellenas mi espacio sin corazón
Y resurges mi idea de redención"

A rough translation:
And happiness
Sometimes seems utopian, Lord
like a Marxist dream
like a romantic song
but if you come closer with your emancipating fingers
and free my thirst from the pain of the sun
you will water my germinating footprints,
restore my undeciphered face,
refill my heartless space,
and restore my idea of redemption.

The lyrics are much too appropriate for me right now. I feel like everything's dancing just beyond my reach, like I have to settle for mediocrity because my standards seem to be more utopian than real-life. And when I talk about mediocrity, I mean in my personal life. I mean that I don't measure up to my own impossible standards.
This is where T's comment about my complejo comes in.

I'm too tired for much more... I'm out