Tired

I'm tired. I'm tired of not having my own space, of working the proverbial double shift, of having no way to go anywhere. I'm tired of the isolation. Tired of not having a tv. Tired of running things. Tired of the never ending to do list. Tired of translating. Tired of budgeting. Tired of planning every moment of every day. Tired of joint decision making. Tired, tired, tired.

And it sounds like I'm whining, and I am. But I've been fighting this for a long time, and today, today it all caught up with me, and it's just too much. I need a break. Desperately, urgently, hopelessly need a break. And the reason it's rubbing me raw right now, is because I just don't see that break coming any time soon.

I need a moment alone. A moment - or several - alone with my husband. A day or two or seven in the city or on the beach. I need a full weekend. I need some time to just sit and be lazy. I need to not cook twice a day for a little while. I need to breathe. I need space to just sit down and have a good cry just to let something out, not because I'm actually sad.

I am tired.

IB therefore...

I need a good workout to destress today, but first:

One of my students didn't show up for the IB exam today. I saw him walking down the hall with this sheepish smile, laughing to himself.

Me: "J, why aren't you in the exam?!"
J: "Haha, I'm late."
Me: (Dumbfounded, mouth agape, trying to keep my cool....)
J: "I can make it up tomorrow, right?"
Me: "No. There's no make up exam, J."
J: (Face falling)Oh.

Oh, I was LIVID.

You do all you can, and this is how it goes down.

And my favorite part: When his classmates returned and I broke out the cookies and candy (a reward for a long day), he was one of the first to help himself.

Figures....

¿Qué se puede hacer...?

Oh-so-cheerful

What is it about this time of year that makes me get into a funk? Without fail, late November and early December suck for me. Maybe it's because it's interims time, maybe because it's so stinkin' cold, maybe because I'm stuck in that waiting between holidays, hoping for something better.... Who knows. I'm tired, overworked, and without enough time for myself. I've got things to look forward to, but everything good seems like it's a long way off....
I miss Puerto Rico. Miss Atlanta. Miss people I haven't seen in ages. On top of that, I'm restless. I can't even tell you how badly I want to go somewhere. Not just vacation, but away - away-away. Not coming back, away. I'm kicking around the idea of moving again. While moving back in with the parents isn't my ideal situation, neither is my current living arrangement. And to pay for it is just to add insult to injury, especially when I could be saving money for Philly....

Philly.... It seems like everything I want is summed up in that one place, in my plans for next year. Who knows what will end up happening, though.

Alright, so as not to depress anyone, I'm out.

Insomniac

I haven't been sleeping well. Haven't really adjusted to the time difference or the food difference or the differences in climate. Since I returned from Germany back in '99 (my gosh, I sound like my father...) I haven't understood the American obsession with A/C. I can't stand it. Everywhere I go, I'm freezing, and while everyone walks around in capris and tanks and shorts, I'm wearing two shirts, jeans, and a sweater. Oh, there is something wrong with me....

I'm up till four most nights. Last night, I was tossing and turning, reading, writing, looking at pictures, until midnight. Then I finally gave in and snuck downstairs to locate some Tylenol PM. I took it, then waited another hour, hour and a half, before I fell asleep. My mom woke me up at about 10 this morning, maybe earlier. I decided I need to go back to my apartment if only so that I can sleep all day, because I'm not getting any sleep at night. This'll be a rough adjustment once classes start up again.

I'm finally to the point where Western food doesn't make me physically ill, though it took a while. I guess my love for Mexican food pushed me beyond my limits until my stomach decided it really could deal with corn tortillas. ;) If only my love for an early bedtime could be so trained - granted, I've never had much love for early bedtimes, so maybe that's my problem.
On top of that, there's something wrong with my internet connection and something wrong with the USB port on my parents' computer which has made my efforts to upload all 700+ photos of Vietnam futile. Yeah, you read that right: more than 700 pics. Thank God for 2G memory cards, huh?

Other than that, I've got to go in to work a few times this week, including helping out with the Freshmen Fair on Friday and Saturday. It'll be good to get back in the swing of things.

My mom is paranoid that I may have bird flu since I'm always tired and my throat's a bit sore, but I blame the jet lag and her hyperactive A/C-fan combination, respectively. (Seriously, this house is cold!) I did oblige her in looking up some doctors that take my insurance whom I may or may not call to make an appointment. In my mind, the only things worse than going to the doctor are going to the dentist or going to DMV. Basically, unless things get REALLY bad, I'm not going.

Ugh, this is dull... I'm heading home - to my place, that is. I think I need a good work out to get the endorphins flowing and to sit in front of the tv and watch whatever Netflix pick I've got in this week. I'm craving some ché, maybe some bun cha... MMMMM! Bun cha!

I've got to call Comcast about fixing my stinkin' Internet connection. Stinkin' Comcast, charging me an arm and a leg and failing to deliver in their level of service... *sigh*

Okay, enough griping, I'm out.