Can't stop listening to it....

"The Great Conductor"
by Steven Delopoulos

So you dived beneath the tide
And you radio the sky
As you leave your desert land
And your fortune all behind

It’s a sequel never told
As you build it you can tell it
As the waves flush out the notes,
you built that temple just to sell it
The moon is sitting, speechless
As our castles slowly burning

Well, I bought a cup of coffee
when I asked her for her hand
She was checking me for Egypt,
she was shaking me for sand
But I've been resurrected years ago

So you listen to the sign
And you can’t believe the sound
Feels like blood is in the air like that lion’s close around
I can’t do it on my own you must be sober to reject him
Like a soldier with a Bible but no armor to protect him

If you listen to the saints
They’ll give you juice enough to fly
Now they found him in the catwalk
when he was knighted for the throne
And the crowd was throwing harmonies
To claim him as their own
As I close my eyes and vanished in the blessing

And oh, there’s a fire in the sky
Sit beside me on that last train
There’s a pinch before we’re through it
Close your eyes we’re almost to it

To the punch, the pain that popped our famous egos
out the window as we grew
And she opened up her eyes to see that
mansion full of glory
She was brand new….brand new, brand new, brand new

So you start with kicking pebbles
as you learn to fight in silence
And you orchestrate His presence
as you crucify the man
There’s a wand in your command,
as you became
The Great Conductor

So it’s fire turned to gold, you can catch it in the steam
As you slowly disappear in that crucifixion dream
You’re hanging in the balance of that heavenly perfection
While you’re having a conversation
Nonchalantly in suspension

And you notice something’s different
as you’re hanging in the sky
Well I got up from my knees
but I was dizzy from the trance
I was speaking like the angels,
I was raptured in the dance
Moving mountains with a glance

We must leave our earthly beds
And pray for those who strike us
In His house there are no weapons
Heal the sick and raise the dead

Raise the ballroom where we danced
until the broken sun surprised us from our doom
And we promised on our knees
to return the devil’s keys
We were in bloom
I do, I do, I do

So you start with kicking pebbles
as you learn to fight in silence
And you orchestrate his presence
as you crucify the man
There’s a wand in your command
As you expand

This is the song I've got on repeat these days. I won't say that I totally understand it, but there are pieces of it, lines that have made me really take notice as I listen to it again and again. For example:

1. "She was checking me for Egypt, she was shaking me for sand But I've been resurrected years ago"
2. "And you notice something’s different as you’re hanging in the sky Well I got up from my knees but I was dizzy from the trance I was speaking like the angels, I was raptured in the dance Moving mountains with a glance"
3. "Raise the ballroom where we danced until the broken sun surprised us from our doom"

And of course, that chorus is pretty stinkin' amazing.

There's a lot there about resurrection, about being made new right here and now while we're still on earth, about the perfection of God in acting in ways that make no sense.... There's more to it that I'm sure I haven't even begun to touch on, but, man, do I love this song!

Wedding pics

So one of my favorite girls got married this weekend. A few wedding pics - hopefully there will be more to come:

Current soundtrack

1. "Lost" by Anouk

Yeah, the video's a little creepy, but the song is brill. "My hands longing to touch you, but I can barely breathe, Starry eyes that make me melt, right in front of me..." Love it! I can't get enough of this song these days.

2. "Another Day" (or anything) by Steven Delopoulos

This man is pretty genius. First there's the brilliance of his guitar playing, then there's the depth of the lyrics. I'm not usually a fan of Christian music (am I a bad Christian for saying that?) - at least not 90% of what they play on the radio - but this is good stuff. L.P. once said something about how rare it is that Story (capital S) and Truth (capital T) coincide, but his music is one of those rare examples, I think.

3. "If You're Out There" by John Legend

I can't make a list without Mr. Legend; y'all know this. "The future started yesterday and we're already late..." It's a little on the cheesy side, I know, but it's still the kind of song that gets to me. There's a hope in the song, a call to action. Good stuff.

4. "The Luckiest" by Ben Folds Five

I love, love, love this song. "And in a white sea of eyes I see one pair that I recognize, and I know that I am...the luckiest." Mmmm...

5. "teachme" by Musiq Soulchild

Even though the title irks the grammar nerd in me, I'm a fan. "Teach me how to love, show me the way to surrender my heart...how I can get my emotions involved." I kind of love those lines....

6. "Father and Daughter" by Paul Simon

This video has both that song and "You Can Call Me Al" - another favorite. Maybe it's because I miss my Stinky, but everyday I realize how much I love this song. Plus, those lyrics! I mean: "I'm going to stand guard like a postcard of a golden retriever", who can't imagine that?!

7. "What a Good Boy" by Barenaked Ladies

"I go to school, I write exams; If I pass, if I fail, if I drop out, does anyone give a damn? And if they do, they'll soon forget, cuz it won't take much for me to show my life ain't over yet." Love those lines....

8. "Hay amores" by Shakira

First, I'm happy to see Shaki with darker hair - still blonde, but a natural shade of blonde. (I'm still a fan of the crazy haired Shaki of the 90s.) Second, I love the old school bolero flavor of this song. "There are loves that are resistant to damage, like the wine that gets better as it ages, so grow my feelings for you." Again, translations don't do it justice.

9. "Hoy te permito odiar" by Tercer Cielo

Speaking of things that don't translate well.... The part when they say "Odio el mismo lugar" gets me EVERYTIME! I can't even begin to translate this one well.... It's about not selling God short, basically, about trusting Him enough to push us beyond our human limitations.

10. "Turn Your Lights Down Low" by Lauryn Hill and Bob Marley (ah, technology)

To echo Kanye: "I wish her heart still was in rhymin'" This song is just good stuff: chill, not boring, summery.... I do miss summer. Hahaha.

Things I'm thankful for

In no particular order:
1. Field trips
2. Meeting some interesting people - interesting in a good way.
3. People who challenge me to think in different ways/about different things.
4. That sweet, sweet boy. :)
5. Hablar español.
6. Provision.
7. Family.
8. All those people who love me, in spite of me.
9. Soup.
10. My car, because even though it's a little finnicky, it gets me where I need to go. Most of the time. ;)

Blue toothin'

Because phone convos aren't the only things that distract the average driver.

Self censorship

I'm really struggling these days. Wednesday I totally fell apart. Class left me feeling emotionally exhausted, even though it was pretty stinkin' wonderful, and I pretty much dissolved into tears right after it. Combine that with a lot of thinking on Tuesday about my grandparents getting older and the loss of my grandfather over ten years ago, some family related stress, and the fact that I had to share my testimony in ProSem on Thursday. It was all too much and I fell apart Wednesday.
To be honest, I feel better since Thursday, but at the same time I kind of feel guilty for feeling better because of the family related stress mentioned above.
So I'm struggling. I had to really think about everything that has happened in my life to bring me here to Eastern as I was preparing for giving my testimony. There were a lot of good things and a lot of bad. As I look back, I see how God really worked all the terrible things for good, and I'm glad for them. I wouldn't go back and change a single thing. There's that verse in John where Jesus says something like "This illness won't kill him, it's so that God can be glorified through it." Obviously, I'm paraphrasing it, but the point is, I can see that in so many of the crappy situations that have come my way. They didn't kill me, they have been opportunities for God to be glorified. Which is not to say that they didn't suck at the time - having my wallet stolen in Costa Rica was pretty awful - but I can see now how God moved through those situations. (That particular situation forced me to realize that I couldn't keep "playing church".) God grows us through the good and the bad. He reveals Himself to us as individuals and as a body in those moments.
The thing is, when these situations involve others, what I see as a time of growth and of the greatness of God can be perceived quite differently by the others involved. And here is my dilemma. There has been great freedom and healing in me because I have been able to own my crap - I've talked about my sins and (some) of my struggles and have also talked about the grace and mercy of God in these areas, His salvific powers.... It's a good thing to share some of that, to know that you're not alone, to be a testimony of God's fullness and healing, and to let others around you know that they aren't alone either.
There have been some issues that I've never really talked about, though. Things that I'm too afraid to mention because I don't want others to think negatively about people I love and care for. The point is, I might have mentioned one of those things here recently. It was mentioned in passing, and was really not the point of the entry, but I feel like it brought up a lot of hurt for someone else. That was not my intention. I know that God has really healed the pain I carried around for a long, long time. I know that I have forgiven. Forgiving doesn't erase the past, but it does shape the future; it means that I've decided it's not my place to judge or retaliate; there's no need for judgment or retaliation. I am the chief of sinners, and I have been forgiven; that's the example I wish to follow.
All of this to say: I took down the last entry. Because, while it was therapeutic for me to write, I don't want it to hurt anyone I sincerely love. And since it did, I apologize.

The Bible or the Bard?

Someone needs to read the Bible in English....

The Bible or The Bard? Score: 70% (7 out of 10)