Brill.

She really is just freakin' brilliant....

Scare

So I was in the ER last night till 3:00 am for these crazy chest pains I'd been having for two days. Of course, I don't say anything about anything because I hate going to the doctor, but it was kinda freakin' me out last night.

Turns out I strained the muscles in my chest, like in the area of my sternum.... Who knew you could do that and that it would cause you to worry so much?! Seriously, the pain was about three levels below the worst pain I've ever felt (just before my emergency surgery a few years back).
Sometimes toughness is not such a good thing, because if I weren't so tough, I'd get these things checked out before they got so bad....

I'm taking some serious pain meds for it, but me and my three hours of sleep went to work today and taught kids about their own culture. I still can't believe I made it through the day....

I'll be going to sleep early tonight, I think....

Una más

"Una Plegaria Más (Padre Nuestro)" by Fiel a la Vega

"Y es difícil admitir un fracaso
y después venirnos a hablar de
salvación
yo sólo quiero hacer bien lo que hago
y dejarme ya de tanta conversación
Tú y yo sabemos que lo único
que queda aquí
es morir de pie..."

"And it's difficult to admit a failure
and then come here to talk about
salvation
I only want to do what I do well
and leave behind all the conversation.
You and I know that the only thing
that remains here
is to die with dignity."

Échanos tu bendición....

Date night and feelin' Puerto Rican

I had a date with A. last night. We went to the movies to watch Wanted, but it was sold out, so we settled on the latest Indiana Jones movie, which we both enjoyed, even though he hadn't seen any of the previous ones. After the movie, we hit up IHOP where our waiter totally flirted with A. much to my amusement.
All in all, a good time. We have a lot in common, and it's just easy with him - no searching for topics of conversation, no awkwardness, no pressure, just a lot of laughing and talking. He's leaving for FL in July, and I'm on my way to Philly in August, so this will be short lived, but it's been fun.

Other than that, it's the usual.

This is the first weekend in about a month that I don't have any plans and it feels GOOD. I've been cleaning up at a nice leisurely pace in my sweats and Kanye T.

I've been remembering today why I love Fiel a la Vega to no end: there's this insane poetry to their lyrics that I just can't get over.

Here are a few of my favorites:

1. "Encontrarte es una historia que hoy deberían publicar"

It's my favorite of their songs, though there was some stiff competition. It's about the quiet intimacy of love, about love easing our insecurities, about the day-to-day beauty of discovering another person.... Love it.

2. "Cositas Así"

The title of this blog came from this song, as did the quote at the top of the page. All the little things disappear before little things like these.... "Y decidí que sólo yo mismo puedo ser" (And I decided I can only be myself) and "Lejos de mí las estrellas quedarán pues sólo así las puedo ver brillar" (The stars will remain far from me because that's the only way I'll see them shine) are the lines that I most love. It's a song about idealism tempered by reality - the kind of thing I get.

3. "Solamente"

This could've easily been number one. From those opening chords, I get goosebumps. Few songs are this beautiful and deep. It's about all those secret things we want: those connections, that comfort, that renewal.... My favorite lines: "Y la felicidad a veces me está utópica, Señor, como un sueño de Marx, como una romántica canción, pero si acercas tus dedos de emancipación, liberas mi sed del dolor del sol." -- I'll try a translation, but there's so much you lose in English: "And sometimes happiness seems utopian to me, Lord, like a Marxist dream, or a romantic song, but if you come close with your emancipating fingers, you'll free my thirst from the pain caused by the sun." Yeah, so much better in Spanish....

4. "Boricua en la luna"

Because it's the culture that makes us Boricuas. People have asked how I can feel so Puerto Rican when I have lived off the island most of my life, and it's like this: I was raised Puerto Rican. It's the culture more than anything: calling everyone Mr. or Mrs., putting family above all else, a stirring of the soul when you hear La borinqueña.... "Y así le grito al villano, yo sería borincano aunque naciera en la luna." - I'd be Boricua even if I were born on the moon.

5. "Canción en la arena"

This is one of my ultimate summer songs. First of all, it's hilarious, second it's so chiiiiiill. My favorite part is the part where he talks about the guy in the Che Guevara shirt, and says, "poor Che doesn't know he ended up generating a whole lot of capital". Oh, the irony.... Haha!

6. "Elipsis de una fuga"

I don't love the video, but I love, love, love, this song. There's this subtle sexiness to it, although it's about protest and politics as well as about this relationship he's got going on. Like I said, these guys are poets.

7. "Septiembre Río Piedras"

Another highly political song.... I like the part about euthanizing democracy. The unfortunate thing is that it's what we live in so many parts of the world. I also like how he points out that we all come into the political process with our own pet issues. Finally, there're the references to Buddha, Christ, Bob Dylan, John Lennon, Silvio Rodríguez, and Pablo Neruda. The words that they "bled" that we forget when it comes to fighting for what we believe....

8. "Mil canciones"

It's a song about knowing yourself, what you stand for; it's about growth. "Suman mil mis contradicciones; todas canto así" - My contradictions add up to a thousand; I sing them all this way. I feel you....

9. "Salimos de aquí"

A song that sums up the complicated duality of being Puerto Rican - the mix of the local culture and all that's imported, this balance of Spanish Caribbean and US protectorate, the autonomous and the dependent.... We are a mix, a hybrid, a culture between two worlds; and yet we are singular in our way of life, our language, our culture. At once hybrid and pure. This song gets all of that. It really does make your heart swell with pride.

10. "Voces de sol"

This is one that's so full of hope. You can just imagine these men and women - glowing because they're dressed in sunlight - walking towards justice and something beautiful.

"S. I. C. K., if you will"

Indeed, it is!


I absolutely love her part when he's leaving. The whole thing was pretty stinkin' brilliant.


Another good one from earlier in the season:


One more:


Ay, mi sueño frustrado de poder bailar.... ;)

Alive

I'm back from LA and have hit the ground running. I got back on Saturday, didn't get HOME till Sunday because I locked myself out... (Sometimes I'm smart and pretty and sometimes I'm just pretty), had church, Sunday School, and training, and started work on Monday. Today was my second day. I have thirty kids. Thirty. And they're little. We have a lot of kids who are probably too young for the program - 6 and 7 years old - and I don't know if we'll end up keeping them in the camp or not. It's been chaotic. I'm trying to keep them busy but it's hard to keep the same group of kids entertained from 10-4.... I don't know how elementary school teachers do it.

I'll hopefully get some pics up over the weekend - I'm back to my world of commuting and it'll take me a minute to get used to it....

No good at good byes

So, boo, I had to cancel on the date. :(....

I was at work until FOREVER tonight - I JUST got home. Seriously. Who'd have known how much ish you accumulate over the years.... Plus I had a meeting with L. and F., my replacements. I gave them everything I'd made up over the years, all the work.... I guess I didn't realize that not all teachers put all their materials together themselves - I don't use books often, so I just put things together and make up practices, notes, projects, quizzes, exams.... Must be nice to have a book that does that all for you. Ha, ha.

It was definitely bittersweet. I said bye to all the folks in the department, shared my email address and phone number so we can all keep in touch, and made plans to meet up with folks over the summer for a little Spanish practice. Spanish practice and pool, or Spanish practice by the pool, whatever we decide works best. Ha, ha.

I honestly can't imagine working with a better group of people.

Besides that, I got mad help cleaning up my classroom, which was nice, and I was able to get rid of a lot of stuff. It was good. Good, good, good....

Oh, but I'll miss it. I'll miss it so much. I'll miss my beautiful kids and their beautiful stories; I'll miss the time with my coworkers, sharing information; I'll miss the satisfaction I get from teaching.

But this is the right decision.

Today, I was in the planning office and returned to my room. John Legend's "Coming Home" was playing on my ipod and it was so achingly beautiful that I looked around that nearly empty room and just started to cry again....



*sigh*

Time to pack.

For real.

I'm off to LA tomorrow - debating taking the laptop with me - we'll see....

Wish me luck!