Alright....

It's been FOREVER. I know. I'm terrible.

Here's what's happened:

1. B and I got married in Puerto Rico on 27 December. It was pretty much FABULOUS.

2. We spent our honeymoon in PR as well, including New Years Eve (I can't tell you how long it took me to think of that in English) in Old San Juan at the party that was broadcast on Univisión. It was crazy fun out there, and way more laid back than I had expected a street party to be. Pretty much the best New Years EVER.

3. I got sick for, oh, the month of January. Apparently, between all the travel (PR, VA, PA, MI, PA....) I picked up an infection which triggered asthma. A bout of laryngitis, a round of antibiotics, one nasal spray, and an inhaler later, I'm finally not feeling like I'm constantly sick.

4. We went to MI for a wedding reception in mid-January. I was terrified because I seriously lack weather appropriate footwear for a Midwest winter, but thankfully, it was unseasonably warm (30 degrees is WARM?!) and not snowy, so I didn't die in my pointy-toed, stiletto knee high boots.

5. We've been getting settled in. The past month or so has been a flurry of furnishing our house (thanks to the good folks at Target, Ikea, and craigslist) and decorating. My husband is AMAZING with that.

6. We have a puppy! The adorable Kiku was born in PR last May, and came home with us after our honeymoon. My grandmother's dog had puppies, and Kiku is one of her babies. She's half chihuahua and half daschund and so stinkin' adorable. I had to do some convincing to make Ben agree to having a dog, but Kiku has totally won him over because she is so stinkin' well-behaved. She hasn't broken anything (except the occasional Kleenex), pees where she's supposed to, and doesn't bark unless there's a strange person in the house (and even then she doesn't yip incessantly). Seriously, we've got a good dog.

7. It's been winter, worse, it was JANUARY. January and I don't get along; Winter and I don't get along. And when I'm feeling like complete and utter crap, and like all I want to do is cry and dream about places where there is sun, I don't blog, simply because I don't want to bring the rest of the world down with me. That's been a huge reason for my absence here, but, I guess there's only a month and a half left of this cold and gray (PLEASE GOD!), so hopefully, I'll be up to it again, soon.

And those are the major points. I've been thinking about a lot of things, but not totally sure if those are things I want to share on the internet, so we'll see what happens...

I'm in PA!

The move was a success. We drove up yesterday, made it in about three/four hours, and I spent last night here at the apartment by my little self. I unpacked to my heart's content, watched "The Bodyguard" like a big cheeseball, got scared going to the bathroom on the other side of the apartment in the middle of the movie (took a flashlight), and finally went to sleep around 3:45 am.

This morning, I woke up around nine to sunlight in my room (LOVE IT!), took a bath - my first in YEARS, and finished unpacking. We also managed to get the internet set up here, at least until S., our upstairs neighbor, moves next month. After that, we'll see what we do.

My room is all set up, I'm getting settled, and I'm excited for classes to start. Also, I'm nervous and miss G-F. Awww....

All in all: so far, so good.

I'll be sure to post pics of the apartment before I get too busy with school stuff.

Almost there....

I spent last night with my "Foreign Language Friends". We had dinner and spoke Spanish so that M could practice and C could learn. It reminded me of just why I loved working at G-F. I seriously couldn't have worked with a better group. K, one of the new Spanish teachers (and there are a lot) and the new department head, is also cool. I'm glad to know that there will be more good people joining the group, though I will miss being there.
Other than that, I got caught up on the G-F gossip - always fun.

Today I went to the clinic (finally!) and feel much better. I also took care of a few more pending issues and enjoyed pho' at my favorite Vietnamese place where they know me and know what I like. I really heart that place....

I'm just about set to go. Orientation starts the 25th and classes start the 27th. Holy geez, kids: I'm going back to school.... It's strange to be on the other side of the desk after all these years (three, but still). Alright, I'm getting back to packing mode.

Más vale vivir llorando que morir sin saber cuanto

Mujer de 26 años (Hey! That's me!) by Tony Croatto and Fiel a la Vega


Love that song, the bittersweetness of settling for stability and the pang of regret all those years later and the determination to let her daughter live without all the pressures of el qué dirán. It's so Latin.... My parents are old-school Puerto Rican, and that qué dirán is such a huge deal in the family, that I can totally identify with the woman in the song.

A little clarification for non-Spanish speakers: el qué dirán is the fear of what others will say about the decisions we make and the things that we do. We live public lives, us Latinos, and that fear is a huge part of traditional Latino culture - it was one of the recurring themes in all of the texts we read in A2....

Anyway, on a different note, I have a place to live and roommate for next year. J and I secured a cute little apartment five minutes from Eastern which I'm excited about. We even have a front porch! I heart porches. I'm a little (ha!) worried about money, but I'm trusting God to provide for me.

I went to ICC last night and saw a lot of the folks from the retreat. I really enjoy spending time there, even though I am pretty much the only one who's not Korean.

Well, as long as I'm up so early, I should get my booty in gear and work out. I've been so laaaaaazy this summer!

Long one

Thursday, but it feels like Friday, which is oh-so-nice. We took the kids on a field trip today. They went to Chipotle and then to the National Portrait Gallery to check out the Recognize and Champions exhibits. I'm always annoyed that no one likes to go to the museums as much as I do, because we have such a wealth of interesting things to see here in the DC area - AND it's all FREE. I don't take advantage of it often enough, so I was glad to go today. My kids were well-behaved, Mr. D's group was, as I like to say, "off the chain". So much so, that security had to come and tell them to keep it down.

I promised my kids a reward on Monday for their good behavior. Even my boy J. and my girl P., who are a little wild and a little ADHD, respectively, were good. It was a good time, although the kids worry me because they weren't too excited about the fake Mexican food, which means they are going to freak out when we take them out for pho' next week.... I, however, will be one happy, happy girl with my delicious Vietnamese. YUMMM!

Other than that, I met one of the guys who hangs out on the corner all day. They call him Frenchie (he's actually French) according to J who knows EVERYONE. He's got this little accent which is quite charming, but I just thought it was amusing that he was the first of the corner guys to actually ask me out - he suggested we go play pool sometime at Buffalo Bill's on Dupont. I gave him my classic, "Oh, I don't know, I live all the way down in VA, and it's so far...."

Oh! And I jumproped with the girls today. Who knew I still had it in me?! Haha... They did this little rhyme to count how many "husbands" I had as I jumped, and I made it to ten, which P. proceeded to shout out across the playground: "Oooh! Miss Frances gonna have ten husbands!" M., one of the boys in my group for the fieldtrip yelled back, "Yeah, I'm one of them."

They start so young....


Besides the work stuff, I spent a lot of time thinking about A., about last night, about our conversation and the forgotten discs of dough for empanadillas in the freezer. I think I listened to "Travelin' Soldier" twice on my way to work this morning.... I don't know what it is, but he's under my skin - in a good way. He's a good man in ways that few men are. I wrote something a few months ago, a little piece scrawled on a post-it note after work one day. It was about being swept up sometimes by love or attraction or whatever it might be. Sometimes it comes slowly, quietly, paulatinamente, and sometimes you just fall. The last line was "química instantánea". Instant chemistry. That was it with A. It was just this catching of the eyes across the room, a moment's wait, an invitation to dance, and there it went. The rest just flowed. *sigh* It is what it is, and there is purpose for everything. Even if someone is only in your life for a brief moment, there can still be a greater impact. I think of Peter on the Plane, Ni-Ni, my girl S. in CR, among others. All these people who made me a better person despite being in my life for as little as an hour.... Maybe that'll be A. Or maybe he'll be someone I run into again later in life. We'll see.


Last two points: I'm reading Che Guevara's Bolivian Diary, and it's kind of heart breaking. I don't agree with all his ideology, but there is so much beauty in what he writes, and I love his passion for justice, for politics and mobilization. I love that he wanted something and gave himself to that. I hope I can be so passionate and dedicated. I'm reading through July right now, and his asthma has been bad, he's running out of medication, and the cave where they'd stored their reserves was found and raided. I'm so worried that he's going to die because of the asthma even though I KNOW the CIA and the Bolivian army are going to capture and execute him in October.... Anyway, that, and the situation in Colombia with the freed hostages just have me thinking, a bit about revolution, a bit about justice, a bit about passion and the pursuit of a the greater good.... Which is probably with this piece by Nikki Giovanni at the Recognize! exhibit hit me so hard today. Am I allowed to say that I really like her? Me? A suburban Puerto Rican girl? I do.

Anyway, this is the last point:

It’s Not a Just Situation:
Though We Just Can’t Keep Crying About It
(For the Hip Hop Nation
That Brings Us Such Exciting Art)

By Nikki Giovanni



You don’t
Just wake up and brush your teeth and make up your bed
and put on your favorite pair of blue jeans

You don’t
on other evenings
Just sneak away from your sleeping lover
Just to grab a bite of Quik Stop
Just to hop a train

You don’t
Just visit the 24 hour superstore
Just to get a few cans
of spray paint
And
Just happen to have a case to put them in

You are not
Just out of yellow
So you’ll
Just shadow with grey this time
And
Just shy of metallic blue you will
Just fill in with electric orange

You are not
Just bored
Or hungry or silly or
Just crying for attention

You are
Just, if there is a
Just
Trying to be an artist

You are
Just
If there is any
Justice
Trying to find a way of not
Just surviving but living

You are just
trying to show the beautiful soul of your people
You are just
trying to say “I’m alive”
You are just
determined to be more
than what the powers who
Just hate the idea of you want you to be

You are just
trying to discover the route
of the neo underground railroad
so that your kids can
Just be free

You are just
being a man
You are just realizing
your womanhood
You are just singing and smiling
because you
Just don’t want to cry anymore

You are just
falling in love
because hatred is too hard to bear

You are just
determined
to be the very best you and
You just guess
you better not let anyone take that away

You are just
a person
with a big heart and wonderful talent
That you just
think should be shared

Put a button on it
people

‘cause suspenders
Just
won’t
do

Alive

I'm back from LA and have hit the ground running. I got back on Saturday, didn't get HOME till Sunday because I locked myself out... (Sometimes I'm smart and pretty and sometimes I'm just pretty), had church, Sunday School, and training, and started work on Monday. Today was my second day. I have thirty kids. Thirty. And they're little. We have a lot of kids who are probably too young for the program - 6 and 7 years old - and I don't know if we'll end up keeping them in the camp or not. It's been chaotic. I'm trying to keep them busy but it's hard to keep the same group of kids entertained from 10-4.... I don't know how elementary school teachers do it.

I'll hopefully get some pics up over the weekend - I'm back to my world of commuting and it'll take me a minute to get used to it....

Another one and a list

I'll blame it on the hormones. Hormones and stress.... Anyway, this:

Mountains Out of Molehills

Catch a bit of this and that;
Add two of mine
to two of your own.
Draw your assumptions.
Those words:
"I KNOW".
Really?
Really, really?
From whose lips, because you don't
"KNOW"
it from these.
Feed the rumor mill,
play the games,
spread that talk.
I tighten my lips
clench my jaw.
Believe what you will.
I know -
first hand -
and that's enough.

A look at my to-do list below.

End of the school year:
Senior exams begin FRIDAY.
Graduation next weekend.
Exams.
Somewhere in there, I should grade placement exams from the middle schools.
Spring Concert - I promised I'd help....
Clean classroom.
My birthday.
Cristina's wedding.
Job search.
Scream.
Breathe.

home

Confession: I don't always love weekends.

I feel the need to leave more and more lately. There are two things I miss about living alone: freedom and privacy. I feel like I have neither lately. How long till August? *sigh* My parents are good people, really, they are. It's just that sometimes there's a bit too much drama from one end and the only way to appease her is for him to play along. And then no one is happy.

I have to report my whereabouts, I get calls when it's late, I get the 'You're going out with HIM?!' followed by a speech about said person's lack of husbandly qualities. Talk about jumping to conclusions! I've come to the point where I preface things with "Just to let you know," so that they're aware that I'm not asking for permission.

I just want a little breathing room sometimes. I hate having to justify where I'll be and what I'm doing. I mean, I'll be working out and it's: "You know, you should do some laundry." Right now? Really? This is when you have to bring it up?

Last night I went out to dinner and the G-F faculty vs. seniors basketball game with B. It was a fun time followed by a little wandering at Target. After that, I drove home and just wanted to collapse into bed with a movie and some quiet.

There was a student on my porch. Seriously. The house full of people eating everywhere, talking. I was up forever. Not to mention the weirdness of having X and his mom at my house seeing me in a completely different element: English, my space, my interests, no language lessons.

Today I've got a lot to do. I'm going to try to convince E. he wants to spend Monday with me, registering voters in Alexandria.... I really do want to find a more tangible way to support the Democratic campaign in general and Barack Obama in particular. Registering voters would be a cool thing, I think....

jueves

Long but good day.
First block seems like ages ago. My kids had some presentations, some entertaining, others were still okay. We'll have to keep working on the subjunctive, just because it's difficult, but they seem to be grasping the concept as best they can right now.

Second and fourth blocks my kids presented their final projects for Crónica de una muerte anunciada. They had to come up with a creative representation of one of the book's main themes. I got a lot of collages - some better than others, a hand-drawn timeline; a skit involving I. from News 4, Ángela Vicario, and the resurrected Santiago Nasar (fabulous!); a sword made of cardboard and aluminum foil with Víctor Manuelle as Santiago Nasar, Britney Spears as Ángela Vicario, and Kanye West's head on a duck as Bayardo San Román..... My kids are amazing sometimes. Just when I think they're not going to get their acts together, they pull it out and surprise me. This is what I'll miss when I'm gone.... Awww... I can't believe I'm leaving!

Sixth block, we started on the imperfect subjuntive - difficult concept, and I can already tell it's going to be killer for these kids, but I want to make sure they're prepared for next year. They'll make it through, I'm sure. It'll just be a mini unit anyway, since we're creeping up on the end of that school year....

Graduation is 15 days away and my birthday will be here in 13, not that I counted or anything, but I did. Haha.... Twenty-six isn't even a cool age, so I'm not making a really big deal out of it, but I wouldn't mind a soccer game and some dancing.

EDGE Club was pretty amazing today, too, at least the part I was there for. Mr. D. came by and talked to me about leaving. Seems like he'll miss me; I won't miss the frustration of GC with him, but I will miss him as a person. He's just a really nice guy.

Everyday I add items to my mental list of all I'll miss. So much, man.... So, so much....

For example:

* My 150+ kids
* Department lunches
* Food days
* The sound of students working in groups
* "¿B grande o v chica?"
* The satisfaction of writing a lesson plan and seeing it come to life
* The "Aha!" face
* "That starts with h?"
* "That needs an accent on the o, right?"
* The crush of humanity in the hallways during passing periods: wall-to-wall in every shade of skin
* The challenge of making grammar interesting
* Telling kids they've done an amazing job
* The easy banter in the classroom
* Being with people who believe in the importance of language
* Sharing my love for a subject

Catch up

Last night, I met up with J, and old friend from college whom I hadn't seen in about five years. We got some dinner, did a little shopping, and had dessert. It was good to see her and get caught up on everything. We're so old. Haha.

I'd been suspecting that one of my students is pregnant, but I'm pretty sure it is actually the case. It hit me today because she's still wearing that big, baggy sweatshirt that she always wears, and it's starting to poke out a bit. She's a sweet kid, lovely and smart. It's so crazy to see these things happening sometimes.... You just sit back and watch. You do what you can, but you can't do it all. It's such a life-changing thing, and you don't realize the weight of it at sixteen.

On a lighter note, I've been working out hardcore lately: abs, upper body (my arms, yo!), legs, cardio.... I'm a fit chica these days and bathing suit season is coming (anyday now, God, it's too cold to be late May!) and I'll be rocking my bikini. HOWEVER! I had a student - we'll call him M. - tell me today that he ran into a kid (who no longer comes to school, mind you) who told M. that he'd heard that I was pregnant. Excuse me? Seriously? Have you seen these abs?

I looked down, looked up, and said something like, "Are you seriously asking me?"
M. said, "I told him I didn't know."
Not know? You see me everyday, kid! There's no way I'm pregnant....

Anyway, it seems that's the latest rumor around the halls.... I came home a little paranoid and asked my parents if I looked like I had a belly, both said no, sounding a little shocked. Sigh of relief, abs are okay. Haha....

Heavier: goodbyes at today's faculty meeting. It was FREEEEEZING! I sat and shivered the entire time. We all had to speak if we were leaving, which was just annoying because it went on way too long. Now I have my official G-F mug. It's a little sad. Twenty-five people are leaving and five are retiring. That's some turnover.... I'll miss it all so much. Well, maybe not all.... ;)

Okay, off to do my second workout session of the day.

Meh...

Just got back from my girl J's graduation dinner. Good times and way too much Puerto Rican food. There was pastelón, y'all! Soooo good! Haha.

Friday.

Sigh of relief...

It was a long week, and I'm ready for some time off. Tomorrow I have a meeting at church in the morning. All morning. Haha. Oh well, at least I can come home and work out.

In the meantime, I've got this song in my head. The song is Maná straight up, the folks in the video are NOT, and it makes me laugh. Haha.



I've got two or three more elements to send in to Eastern for my app - my references. I'm praying I can get all that taken care of ASAP....

So ready for something new, someplace new. It's getting hard to breathe down here....

"A Promise"

This came to me in bits and pieces last night and throughout the course of the day. It's so easy to say something to someone and then let them down. We're all guilty of this, yes? I don't like making promises, don't like offering guarantees, don't like accepting to do a favor before I hear it. It's all so likely to fall. Words, for all their power, all their beauty, all their ugliness, aren't actuality - actions are.
And this was all so clear to me today in the wake of last night. You know, lo que pasó, pasó. And the poem came anyway.


A Promise

Air.
Vital, life-giving, refreshing.
Insubstantial, weightless.
Whisper it again,
because it'll mean everything and
nothing.
Light as the air
I displace.
Heavy as the ache in this heart.
Say it again.

Air.

Nothing to back it up
besides my trust.
Nothing to give it substance
besides your action.

Say it again.

It's nothing but
Air.

Last day of SOL schedules tomorrow, thank God! These two hour blocks are killer, but it seems like I've just about made it.

In other news, my legs feel like jelly today. I'm crazy sore from my run. Even my abs hurt. Signs of a good workout and an engaged core, I'm sure, but that doesn't keep me from avoiding heels higher than an inch and complaining a bit. Haha.

Wandering

Because I need a little building up:

Things I'm proud of today:
1. Waking up at 5:30 am to work out.
2. Checking my box BEFORE the first bell this morning.
3. Planning in advance.
4. Entering grades in my gradebook.
5. Correcting essays.
6. Eating only ONE square of chocolate.
7. Drinking my K2O
8. Avoiding both Target and Best Buy.
9. Buying my 4th block students a snack to reward their efforts on the exam today.
10. Saying a few earnest and honest prayers throughout the course of my day.
11. Seeing D., a former student who has since graduated and is in college.

I was listening to this crazy mix I've got in my car today and felt like I was listening to this for the first time:

I'm at that point. I need to get out of VA, need to start fresh and move on. Shake off all the VA baggage and spread my wings.

That little bit of Dixie Chicks wisdom reminded me of this gem.

It kinda speaks to me today....

Throwing stones

So I was sitting in church last night and I leaned forward to pray. My mom was sitting next to me, and she about flipped out. "Pull your shirt up in the back!" she snapped. I looked at her puzzled, and she repeated it. "What are you talking about?" I whispered back.
Mind you, this is while people are trying to pray silently.
"Oh, I'm so embarrassed. You can see your tattoo; what will people say? I'm so embarrassed."
I'm not even making this up.

Here's where I'm going with this: people pass judgment. Period. It's what happens; everyone does it. Now here's where we make a differentiation: we can judge people and act on those judgments, or we can judge and wait to be surprised. You know, we can go in anyway.

I won't say that I'm always surprised, but I do give it a chance.

And here's what I've decided about my own life: people talk smack, regardless. I work hard, keep to myself, and do the things that I'm passionate about. But that's not to say that everyone will see that. It doesn't matter. The thing that matters is that God and I know that I'm doing what He needs me to do.

When I went to Mission Year, a lot of people talked; people doubted the reality of what I lived there. That doesn't make my experience any less powerful or life-changing.

My aunt once told my mom that she'd expected more from me; that she'd thought I'd be more thän "just a teacher". It doesn't make me any less satisfied or passionate about my job.

I was walking with my mom the other day and I thanked her for everything that she's done since I moved back home. I told her that it's been much better than I expected. She sniffed and said, "Well, maybe it's been better for you. I don't feel like you help out at home." Thanks, mom, but it doesn't make me less grateful for the sacrifices that you've made.

The thing is that she's not the only one to make sacrifices. I've made some, too. People never see that, you know? No one else will ever know what it's like to live in your skin. I remember as a kid, I used to think, "Wow, C's life is just as real to her as mine is to me." (I was a bright kid.) Think about that a minute: everyone lives in their own personal reality. Sometimes our realities overlap, but there's so much that we cannot possibly comprehend about one another.

And that's kind of what I wanted to get to. I'm not perfect: I have a hard time giving complete trust, I am what we refer to in Spanish as antipática, and I'm a bit of a cynic. That said, I am painfully aware of my shortcomings and I work at them. I consciously try to give people the benefit of the doubt, I work extra hard to curb the sarcasm and be a little friendly, I ask God everyday to help me look at things the way He does.

I fail.

I fail often.

But that doesn't make my attempts any less real or valid. People may think that I don't give enough, but it's because they don't know how much I'm giving, because they don't know the sheer effort that goes into the steps that I'm making towards progress.

I have students who've taken three years - three YEARS - to remember to put an accent mark on the "O" in words that end in "-ión". It's one of the easiest tricks to remember, in my opinion, but it's hard for them. I can't discount the effort that they're making in trying to remember this "foreign" concept of accentuation. But here's the thing, when I see that occasional accent mark on "opinión" or "acción" or "canción" - it fills my heart. I know that all their efforts have paid off, that all those days of reminding myself of their potential have paid off.

So the point is this: We are all flawed, all imperfect, but all working at becoming better.

Maybe you don't see the progress, maybe change doesn't come quickly enough for you, and maybe you don't think that person will ever get to where you think they should be.

But guess what?

You can't be sure. You don't know their inner struggles, don't know how hard they're working.

People will surprise you, but sometimes it takes years.

Girly moment.

I was stuck in traffic on my way home from work today. It was warm and lovely out, so I had the window rolled all the way down, and was crankin' Juanes.
So there I am, at a red light, surrounded by cars, but feeling good, because it's Friday, I'm finally heading home, and it's gorgeous out. I've got this great song on, and this shower of dogwood blossoms just floats down over the cars and in through the window.
Unbelievable. It's rare that so many lovely things intersect like that.

Brief

So I had the wrong video in the last post. Don't know why it took me so long to pick up on that....
I'm slow. Haha.
Soccer this Saturday, baby! :)

Moving on...

First off, Obama seems to be doing well today. Whoot whoo!

Second, interims are in. Check that ish off the to-do list.

Third, I have decided that my life will be a drama-free zone. I get what I put up with. Done.

Fourth, How happy does this song make me?!


The love, the love! Kanye AND Lupe Fiasco. Yum!

I picked up Lupe Fiasco's cd at Target today - it was my reward for getting through yesterday. I was all about some "Superstar", but the whole album is sweet. I'm lovin' my smart rappers.


How excited am I to see him and Kanye? May 10th, baby...

The upside of global warming

Yes, SUVs make Jesus cry, but my goodness! It was so nice out today! I mean, outside. In my classroom, it's roughly sixty degrees. If I hadn't worn a skirt anticipating the mid-sixties, I would've taught in my coat, but if I'd done that, no one would've seen my outfit - a little inappropriate for the classroom.

Good day, though. GC makes me happy. I mean, the kids do. The lack of prior planning on the part of those officially in charge is frustrating, but the kids! We're getting a bunch of them. New kids every week. And they're clicking with each other, which just makes my little heart swell with pride. I'm a proud mama. ;)

Other than that, I spent the weekend in NYC. A little breaky-break from the everyday VA. Enjoy the pics.


Welcome to Brooklyn!



Frances and Sammy with big smiles - early in the weekend....



Dance party face.




Pass that on over here! I heart pizza. I don't care if it's not real NY pizza. I love broccoli.





With Sam after the comedy club and the pizza. PS - there's nowhere to play pool at 2:30 am in NYC.