Throwing stones

So I was sitting in church last night and I leaned forward to pray. My mom was sitting next to me, and she about flipped out. "Pull your shirt up in the back!" she snapped. I looked at her puzzled, and she repeated it. "What are you talking about?" I whispered back.
Mind you, this is while people are trying to pray silently.
"Oh, I'm so embarrassed. You can see your tattoo; what will people say? I'm so embarrassed."
I'm not even making this up.

Here's where I'm going with this: people pass judgment. Period. It's what happens; everyone does it. Now here's where we make a differentiation: we can judge people and act on those judgments, or we can judge and wait to be surprised. You know, we can go in anyway.

I won't say that I'm always surprised, but I do give it a chance.

And here's what I've decided about my own life: people talk smack, regardless. I work hard, keep to myself, and do the things that I'm passionate about. But that's not to say that everyone will see that. It doesn't matter. The thing that matters is that God and I know that I'm doing what He needs me to do.

When I went to Mission Year, a lot of people talked; people doubted the reality of what I lived there. That doesn't make my experience any less powerful or life-changing.

My aunt once told my mom that she'd expected more from me; that she'd thought I'd be more thän "just a teacher". It doesn't make me any less satisfied or passionate about my job.

I was walking with my mom the other day and I thanked her for everything that she's done since I moved back home. I told her that it's been much better than I expected. She sniffed and said, "Well, maybe it's been better for you. I don't feel like you help out at home." Thanks, mom, but it doesn't make me less grateful for the sacrifices that you've made.

The thing is that she's not the only one to make sacrifices. I've made some, too. People never see that, you know? No one else will ever know what it's like to live in your skin. I remember as a kid, I used to think, "Wow, C's life is just as real to her as mine is to me." (I was a bright kid.) Think about that a minute: everyone lives in their own personal reality. Sometimes our realities overlap, but there's so much that we cannot possibly comprehend about one another.

And that's kind of what I wanted to get to. I'm not perfect: I have a hard time giving complete trust, I am what we refer to in Spanish as antipática, and I'm a bit of a cynic. That said, I am painfully aware of my shortcomings and I work at them. I consciously try to give people the benefit of the doubt, I work extra hard to curb the sarcasm and be a little friendly, I ask God everyday to help me look at things the way He does.

I fail.

I fail often.

But that doesn't make my attempts any less real or valid. People may think that I don't give enough, but it's because they don't know how much I'm giving, because they don't know the sheer effort that goes into the steps that I'm making towards progress.

I have students who've taken three years - three YEARS - to remember to put an accent mark on the "O" in words that end in "-ión". It's one of the easiest tricks to remember, in my opinion, but it's hard for them. I can't discount the effort that they're making in trying to remember this "foreign" concept of accentuation. But here's the thing, when I see that occasional accent mark on "opinión" or "acción" or "canción" - it fills my heart. I know that all their efforts have paid off, that all those days of reminding myself of their potential have paid off.

So the point is this: We are all flawed, all imperfect, but all working at becoming better.

Maybe you don't see the progress, maybe change doesn't come quickly enough for you, and maybe you don't think that person will ever get to where you think they should be.

But guess what?

You can't be sure. You don't know their inner struggles, don't know how hard they're working.

People will surprise you, but sometimes it takes years.