Mine

Yesterday I went to the gym and put in a good, long workout. I've recently joined a gym for the first time ever because (a) I'm getting married in December and want my arms to look SICK (b) my current housing situation is not conducive to at home workouts, and (c) I can actually afford it. I've only been going about three times a week, but as I was trying on clothes yesterday after my wonderful workout, I looked in the mirror and thought, my body is mine again. I don't know exactly why that popped in my head the way it did, but it made sense. There was a familiarity in the soreness of muscle, in the reemerging definition, in the increasing flatness of my abs, that I'd missed during the year of sporadic workouts that was grad school. My body feels like it's MINE again, like I OWN it and care for it and love it again. It felt good, feels good. Which is not to say that I am one hundred percent happy with the way I'm shaped and the way I carry my weight and what have you, but I'm closer to that satisfaction again.

On a different note - my car window was smashed today while I was at church. $3 in quarters were taken and they looked around the center console for more goodies (there were none there). I'm glad that the repairs will cost nearly $300 for the $3 theft. *sigh*

And to end this with a happier story:
We sang this song at church this morning. My mom used to sing it to wake us up when my sister and I were kids, and I hated it then because my sister loved it and my mom has the kind of singing voice that I have: a not in public kind of voice. But it's grown on me over the years, and today when we sang it I thought of my mom singing the song that she'd learned at a Christian high school to her daughters back when we were oh-so-Catholic. I thought of the way God's worked in our lives, I thought of the love I have for my mamita and my sister (who's made me an auntie, by the way!) and I missed my family so much. But singing that, it was like I was connected to them for just a moment.

Catch up

Last night, I met up with J, and old friend from college whom I hadn't seen in about five years. We got some dinner, did a little shopping, and had dessert. It was good to see her and get caught up on everything. We're so old. Haha.

I'd been suspecting that one of my students is pregnant, but I'm pretty sure it is actually the case. It hit me today because she's still wearing that big, baggy sweatshirt that she always wears, and it's starting to poke out a bit. She's a sweet kid, lovely and smart. It's so crazy to see these things happening sometimes.... You just sit back and watch. You do what you can, but you can't do it all. It's such a life-changing thing, and you don't realize the weight of it at sixteen.

On a lighter note, I've been working out hardcore lately: abs, upper body (my arms, yo!), legs, cardio.... I'm a fit chica these days and bathing suit season is coming (anyday now, God, it's too cold to be late May!) and I'll be rocking my bikini. HOWEVER! I had a student - we'll call him M. - tell me today that he ran into a kid (who no longer comes to school, mind you) who told M. that he'd heard that I was pregnant. Excuse me? Seriously? Have you seen these abs?

I looked down, looked up, and said something like, "Are you seriously asking me?"
M. said, "I told him I didn't know."
Not know? You see me everyday, kid! There's no way I'm pregnant....

Anyway, it seems that's the latest rumor around the halls.... I came home a little paranoid and asked my parents if I looked like I had a belly, both said no, sounding a little shocked. Sigh of relief, abs are okay. Haha....

Heavier: goodbyes at today's faculty meeting. It was FREEEEEZING! I sat and shivered the entire time. We all had to speak if we were leaving, which was just annoying because it went on way too long. Now I have my official G-F mug. It's a little sad. Twenty-five people are leaving and five are retiring. That's some turnover.... I'll miss it all so much. Well, maybe not all.... ;)

Okay, off to do my second workout session of the day.

Run

I am not a runner. I hate running, actually. It's punishment, gym class, asthma attacks....

Even so, back in October or November, I just up and started running. I did it to get away from my own thoughts. There's something about that punishment of you and the road and an i-pod playing songs that sting your eyes to clear your head of everything but the breath in your lungs. Running is for high stress. I've been doing it lately with E. I don't think he knows why I'm running and not at home kick boxing - imagining myself landing perfect jabs and crosses on whomever. I don't think he knows how good the distraction is for me.
When we run there's only this:
Feet on the track in steady rhythm
Sweat
Music in one ear
Conversation in snippets of gasped air
Sun
Air in my lungs
Clarity.

In other news, we had S.'s retirement party today. We just had some cake and punch in the library - low key - though there were plenty in attendance. She'll be missed. I can't believe how quickly this year is coming to an end, and while I'm ready, it hasn't quite hit me that I won't be back....

There will be a flood of bittersweet emotion on the 6th for graduation.... I watched a lot of those kids grow up - 15 to 18 - and love them, honestly do. It's the end of this stage for all of us.

Trying to convince BK she REALLY wants to come here for my birthday, we'll see how it goes.

Off to the track.

PS This is hilarious.

"A Promise"

This came to me in bits and pieces last night and throughout the course of the day. It's so easy to say something to someone and then let them down. We're all guilty of this, yes? I don't like making promises, don't like offering guarantees, don't like accepting to do a favor before I hear it. It's all so likely to fall. Words, for all their power, all their beauty, all their ugliness, aren't actuality - actions are.
And this was all so clear to me today in the wake of last night. You know, lo que pasó, pasó. And the poem came anyway.


A Promise

Air.
Vital, life-giving, refreshing.
Insubstantial, weightless.
Whisper it again,
because it'll mean everything and
nothing.
Light as the air
I displace.
Heavy as the ache in this heart.
Say it again.

Air.

Nothing to back it up
besides my trust.
Nothing to give it substance
besides your action.

Say it again.

It's nothing but
Air.

Last day of SOL schedules tomorrow, thank God! These two hour blocks are killer, but it seems like I've just about made it.

In other news, my legs feel like jelly today. I'm crazy sore from my run. Even my abs hurt. Signs of a good workout and an engaged core, I'm sure, but that doesn't keep me from avoiding heels higher than an inch and complaining a bit. Haha.

flip

I straightened my hair today. This is a rare occurrence that causes my students to say things like, "Ooh, Ms. S!", "You look like a student!", and "You look so pretty! Do you have a date?". It also prompts me to feel like a white girl, flipping my hair incessantly and touching it every two minutes. Not, of course, that I have particularly coarse hair, or a lot of it, just that everyone with curly hair knows that you can't touch curls. They'll frizz up and lose their shape. You have to be gentle with it. Not so when it's straight. You can play with it and shake it out and watch it move. It's amazing. Haha.

Here I am with straight hair:


And here I am in what I like to call my telenovela shot:

That's totally what they'd show as the theme song played and the cast of characters paraded around the set striking poses that sum up their characters (attitude, people!). I'm pretty sure I'd be playing the poor little protagonista whom all the boys love, but loves the one unavailable man. I mean, the eyes! I'm pathetic.... Haha.

I did a little boxing yesterday with Sugar Ray Leonard (love that man) and Laila Ali. She's such a striking woman, but what a manly voice! Anyway, I go through the DVD and foolishly think that I'm totally ready for the ring. I'm deluded, I know.