To think that I hate Faulkner for his stream of conciousness...

It's been a hot minute. I've been so busy with meeting after meeting, working out, all that jazz... Busy busy. There's been some craziness at work - beaurocratic foolishness - that has made me not love every moment of my job. That's a feeling I hate. I love my students, love the classroom aspect, freakin' love the extracurriculars, but I hate the beaurocracy of it - the silly non-teaching things like standing in the hallway (as opposed to talking to my students), filling out forms, being a babysitter... Oh well, it is what it is and there's not much I can do about it.

In other news, two weeks till Christmas break (cue happy dance here) and days until I go to a Wizards' game with the boys from Gentlemen's Club (hands down, my favorite extracurricular, no matter how unorganized). GC, to clarify, is the most inappropriately named good idea ever. It's for boys who are struggling - with classes, with discipline issues, with attendance - and teaching them the skills they need to become successful young men. The group is feeling a little more cohesive these days, and I like that. Plus, the field trips are fun.

This will be my first pro basketball game in the States, and I'm excited.

I need to get some Christmas shopping done - I got a gift for my mom and am heading to the store tomorrow to get a gift for my picky sister (she will quite literally tell you that your gift sucks) that I KNOW she will like. I'm kind of at a loss when it comes to my dad and a few other friends. Also, there's the question of J. Do I get him a little something or not? If so, how little? Something that hints at the easy closeness we've developed? Something that respects the boundaries of the time and space we're giving each other?

Time and space. Ha. We may not be hanging out outside of work these days, but the past couple weeks we've ventured back into the hanging out in classrooms territory. Here's the thing: we've switched venues. He goes out of his way to come to my room. His is at least on the way to the copy room. Mine is on his way to nowhere. I feel that this is a fair arrangement seeing as the ball is in his court (I heart the basketball analogies in this specific situation). He's the one with the issues, he can decide when he's ready.

Today at the GC meeting, we were talking about values, the things that we want in life, that are important to us... This doesn't exactly link, but in my head, it does. Anyway, as I was thinking about my own responses (top 3: challenging career, succesful and fulfilling marriage, and faith) and J's comment about the marriage and how he couldn't take nagging, and a conversation I had yesterday about not liking diamonds, I realized that I'm really a simple girl.

You don't have to dazzle me with bling or a car (though it should be nicer than mine - that's not asking for much) or your bank account. What I do want is to be dazzled by your sparkling wit, your passion for working with people, and your acceptance of my flawed state. I'll accept your flaws, you accept mine. Really, not asking for too much.

I'm not the perfect woman, not the poster child for anything, really, but I'm not presenting myself as such either. And I'm working on my known failings and willing to work on the unknown ones in the future. That's life. These are people: lovely messes that we come to love for their imperfections.

I think about this, think about how easy it is to fall for a bit of swagger because you know there's a flaw behind it, how easy it is to fall for an apology, a confession, a glimpse of weakness... It's the thing that lets you know you're not alone in your floundering, in those moments when you're trying to gather your thoughts and move forward...

This is the point of too much vulnerability - the point where I start to feel exposed. I'm not such an exhibitionist yet, so I'll cut it here. I'm out.