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Hello!

28 March 2008

Sleep deprivation

So I realized today that I don't own a backpack. I have ONE hoodie. I can count the number of sneakers I own on one hand. My denim jacket is shaped like a pea coat. I never leave the house without earrings.

This is why I've had so many people tell me that they thought I was prissy when they first met me. And then they get to know me and realize I'm a fairly low-maintenance girl with an impeccable sense of fashion. ;)

Disclaimer: I haven't slept more than four hours a night since last Friday, my work week was hectic, and I worked out way too hard yesterday. I cannot be held responsible for anything I type. ;)

26 March 2008

Not exactly a soundtrack for my life, but....

In an attempt to destress, I was thinking about some singularly beautiful songs.
This is what I've come up with:

1. "Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight and the Pips.

It's a haunting kind of song when you really listen to it. This man who goes out to LA to chase a dream and doesn't make it, that return to his home in defeat, but at least he returns with the woman who loves him. There's a bit of bittersweetness in her leaving her own life behind to follow him as well. Sacrifice, failed dreams, lessons learned.... Good stuff.

2. "Bridge Over Troubled Water" by Simon and Garfunkel.

I love me some Paul Simon, I really do, and this won't be his only appearance on this list. This song, however, is a classic. It's about friendship, loyalty, devotion. Lovely.

3. "Ordinary People" by John Legend

First, that man has some pretty, pretty eyes. Second, this is that rare intersection of perfect song and perfect video. "Cause we're ordinary people, maybe we should take it slow.... This ain't a movie, y'all; no fairy tale conclusion..." and yet, you come out of it still believing that things can work. Well done, Mr. Legend.

4. "Lamento Borincano" written by Rafael Hernández, sung by Daniel Santos

This is a truly Latin story. A man from the country heads into town with his goods for sale. He's all hopeful at first, but the people in his country are so poor they can't buy anything, and off he returns home with a heavy heart. Who will save Puerto Rico? Good question....

5. "Bendita la luz" by Maná and Juan Luis Guerra

Those blessed connections with people, blessed destiny that puts people together, blessed be God for orchestrating all of that.

6. "Mojado" by Ricardo Arjona

Another perfect song and video combo. It sums up all that nostalgia for what you have to leave behind with the need to emigrate. It captures the desperation of anonymity that undocumented people feel. "If we are issued a universal visa at birth that expires when we die, why do they persecute you, mojado, if Heaven gave you permission?"

7. "Born in Puerto Rico" by Paul Simon (video features José Feliciano and Paul Simon)

This is one of those songs that I just feel. "I was born in Puerto Rico and my blood is Taíno; Spanish-Caribbean, my soul. We came here wearing summer clothes in winter...." That, my friends, is me.

8. "Redemption Songs" by Bob Marley

"How long will they kill our prophets while we stand aside and look?....Won't you help me sing another song of freedom?" Yes, Bob.

9. "Solamente" by Fiel a la Vega

My favorite lines: "And sometimes happiness seems utopian to me, like a Marxist dream, like a romantic song; but if you draw close with your emancipating fingers....you will revive my idea of redemption" This song is so brilliant. It really is....

10. "Jesus Walks" by Kanye West

"I wanna talk to God, but I'm afraid 'cause we ain't talked in so long" That honesty is heartbreakingly beautiful. And lines about Jesus walking with murderers, drug dealers, strippers? Yes. Shocking, disconcerting, but lovely.

11. "Hallelujah" by Jeff Buckley

I was going to leave it at ten, but I couldn't leave this song out. You know what does it for me? "And love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken 'Hallelujah'."

This...

saying seemed appropriate for this week:

Yo no soy monedita de oro para caerle bien a todos.
I'm not a gold coin so that everyone can like me.


It's been tumbling in my head for days, and has been appropriate in so many occasions thus far (with the fam, at GC, at work, with other people....) I am what I am. I'm far from perfect, and I'm the first to admit it. I don't want to be put on a pedestal, nor do I want to be viewed as less than. I'll admit I've got some stuff going for me.

I'll never agree with everyone on everything and I'm okay with that. All I ask is that you do the same. The sooner we accept differences, the better off we are. There's no use in wanting to conform the people we care about into the people we wish they were. If that's all you're trying to do, then the depth of your caring for that person has to be questioned.

Here's another one:
No le pidas peras a los olmos.
Don't ask elms to give you pears.


Things are what they are; people are what they are; life is what it is. Don't ask it to be what it's not. Go to the right source for what you need. If you need perfection, look to God. You'll never be satisfied looking for it in your fellow man. We are all beautifully flawed. And guess what? That's how we're supposed to be. It's how God set things up: so that He could be glorified in our shortcomings; so that everyone would know how utterly incapable each individual is without Him.

One more:
Don't ask for what you can't give.

25 March 2008

My mama raised me better....

I am a terrible daughter and a disappointment to my parents, but I love it!



I love the angles here.... Can you see what's going on?


I'm in more pain than he is....


Almost there....


I love it!


Fresh....

15 March 2008

Love it

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little
insecure. I make mistakes, I am
out of control, and at times hard
to handle. But if you can't handle
me at me worst, then you sure as
hell don't deserve me at my best."
-Marilyn Monroe


That's why I love her. It seemed appropriate.

Proud Mama

The GC dinner went incredibly well. The boys were so proud of themselves, but I think I was prouder than they. They came into a dirty kitchen and got right down to cleaning it and cooking up a storm. It was a success. :)

I leave for PR today - Saturday - at 5:25 PM. I can't sleep these days. Too much to do and I'm anticipating the trip. Can't wait to see BK. :)!

I'll be out for a week.

Peace!

12 March 2008

Playin' Hookey

Took today off because we thought we'd have to put Cinnamon down last night. Thankfully, the vet gave her some medication and told us to observe her for three days and after that, we'll make a decision. It was a relief. She seems to be doing better, but she is, as the vet pointed out, the oldest Golden Retriever most people have ever heard of. I mean, she'll be fifteen in June, which translates to 105 in dog years. She's had quite a long life, our sweet baby.

Anyway, today. It felt good to finally sleep in. I've been working Saturdays and Sundays don't feel like a day off because I've been going to church with my parents in the early afternoon and then to my own church in the evenings. So I wake up, try to get in a workout, eat, get ready, rush out, rush back, eat, and head out again. It's not so much a relaxing day. Today was. I worked out in the morning, watched tv, got ready, got some shopping done for my family in PR, went out to eat with my mom, came back, packed some stuff, got ready, went running/walking with Eddy, came back, ate, packed some more, got some work ready for tomorrow, and am now watching American Idol. Busy, yes, but my kind of busy. No deadlines, no bells, no whining teenagers. ;)

Ah, yesterday, I had half of the JV soccer team in my classroom after their practice. They were all red and stinky. They came by because they "knew" I missed them. Ha! Those boys though... They make me laugh.

Days - THREE! - till I'm in PR. Sweeeet!

10 March 2008

Update and some Julia de Burgos

Took the boys from GC to Sam's Club today to shop for their appreciation dinner on Thursday. They split up into two teams of three and Mr. D. took one group while I took the other. They are preparing a dinner for their favorite teachers, administrators, counselors, etc. and planned quite a menu last week.
Thursday I will be enjoying:
  • Mini quiches
  • Shrimp cocktail
  • Garden salad
  • Spaghetti and meatballs
  • Garlic bread
  • Cheesecake
  • Smoothies

They were so enthusiastic and excited about the planning and the shopping. Honestly, these boys have been growing so much. I'm excited to see how they are at the end of the year. I really feel like we've bonded.

I spoke to Mr. B. today about IB and where I'll be next year. He said he was happy for me and my plans for the future, but that he hated to see me go. He has this idea that the A2 class has exploded because of me. I don't know that that is necessarily the case, but it was flattering. He told me that whatever I decide to do after grad school - if I want to come back to Gar-Field - that I should let him know and he will do everything he can to help me out. And if I don't want to go back to Gar-Field, but want to work in another IB school abroad, he'd help me out. It feels good to have people who back me like that.

Finally, a poem that some of my students have been analyzing for their internal assessments that has really gotten to me. So deep this one...

A JULIA DE BURGOS

Ya las gentes murmuran que yo soy tu enemiga
porque dicen que en verso doy al mundo mi yo.
Mienten, Julia de Burgos. Mienten, Julia de burgos.
La que se alza en mis versos no es tu voz: es mi voz
porque tú eres ropaje y la esencia soy yo; y el más
profundo abismo se tiende entre las dos.
Tú eres fria muñeca de mentira social,
y yo, viril destello de la humana verdad.
Tú, miel de cortesana hipocresías; yo no;
que en todos mis poemas desnudo el corazón.
Tú eres como tu mundo, egoísta;
yo no; que en todo me lo juego a ser lo que soy yo.
Tú eres sólo la grave señora señorona; yo no,
yo soy la vida, la fuerza, la mujer.
Tú eres de tu marido, de tu amo; yo no;
yo de nadie, o de todos, porque a todos, a
todos en mi limpio sentir y en mi pensar me doy.
Tú te rizas el pelo y te pintas; yo no;
a mí me riza el viento, a mí me pinta el sol.
Tú eres dama casera, resignada, sumisa,
atada a los prejuicios de los hombres; yo no;
que yo soy Rocinante corriendo desbocado
olfateando horizontes de justicia de Dios.
Tú en ti misma no mandas;
a ti todos te mandan; en ti mandan tu esposo, tus
padres, tus parientes, el cura, el modista,
el teatro, el casino, el auto,
las alhajas, el banquete, el champán, el cielo
y el infierno, y el que dirán social.
En mí no, que en mí manda mi solo corazón,
mi solo pensamiento; quien manda en mí soy yo.
Tú, flor de aristocracia; y yo, la flor del pueblo.
Tú en ti lo tienes todo y a todos se
lo debes, mientras que yo, mi nada a nadie se la debo.
Tú, clavada al estático dividendo ancestral,
y yo, un uno en la cifra del divisor
social somos el duelo a muerte que se acerca fatal.
Cuando las multitudes corran alborotadas
dejando atrás cenizas de injusticias
quemadas, y cuando con la tea de las siete virtudes,
tras los siete pecados, corran las multitudes,
contra ti, y contra todo lo injusto
y lo inhumano, yo iré en medio de
ellas con la tea en la mano.

In English:
To Julia de Burgos



Already the people murmur that I am your enemy
because they say that in verse I give the world your me.
They lie, Julia de Burgos. They lie, Julia de Burgos.
The one who rises in my verses is not your voice. It is my voice.
because you are the dressing and the essence is me;
and the most profound abyss is spread between us.
You are the cold doll of social lies,
and me, the virile starburst of the human truth.
You, honey of courtesan hypocrisies; not me;
in all my poems I undress my heart.
You are like your world, selfish; not me
Who gambles everything betting on what I am.
You are only the ponderous lady - such a lady;
not me; I am life, strength, woman.
You belong to your husband, your master; not me;
I belong to nobody, or all, because to all
I give myself in my clean feeling and in my thought.
You curl your hair and paint yourself; not me;
the wind curls my hair, the sun paints me.
You are a housewife, resigned, submissive,
tied to the prejudices of men; not me;
unbridled, I am a runaway Rocinante
sniffing out the horizons of God’s justice.
You in yourself have no say; everyone governs you;
your husband, your parents, your family,
the priest, the dressmaker, the theatre, the dance hall,
the auto, the fine furnishings, the feast, champagne,
heaven and hell, and the fear of what they will say
Not in me, in me only my heart governs,
only my thought; the one who governs in me is me.
You, flower of aristocracy; and me, flower of the people.
You in you have everything and you owe it to everyone,
while me, my nothing I owe to no one.
You nailed to the static ancestral dividend,
and me, a one in the numerical social divisor,
we are the duel to death that fatally approaches.
When the multitude run rioting
leaving behind ashes of burned injustices,
and with the torch of the seven virtues,
the multitudes run after the seven sins,
against you and against everything unjust and inhumane,
I will be in their midst with the torch in my hand.

06 March 2008

Obama...



I love the Spanish featured so prominently in it. :)

Brief

So I had the wrong video in the last post. Don't know why it took me so long to pick up on that....
I'm slow. Haha.
Soccer this Saturday, baby! :)

04 March 2008

Moving on...

First off, Obama seems to be doing well today. Whoot whoo!

Second, interims are in. Check that ish off the to-do list.

Third, I have decided that my life will be a drama-free zone. I get what I put up with. Done.

Fourth, How happy does this song make me?!


The love, the love! Kanye AND Lupe Fiasco. Yum!

I picked up Lupe Fiasco's cd at Target today - it was my reward for getting through yesterday. I was all about some "Superstar", but the whole album is sweet. I'm lovin' my smart rappers.


How excited am I to see him and Kanye? May 10th, baby...

03 March 2008

Just another manic Monday....

So it's been a hot minute since I've been on here. The past few weeks have been stressful and busy. I've started working on Saturdays, doing Internal Assessments for IB. The next two Saturdays will be devoted to that, as will the 29th. This is what effective teaching requires: giving up your own life. Blah....

Other than that, S was here over the weekend. He's the ex that my parents formerly hated. I say formerly because my mom thought it'd be cool if he went with us all to dinner at this Argentine restaurant, and she ended up inviting him to go to church with us the next day. My mom.... She never ceases to amaze me. Anyway, she's now a fan since she knows nothing is going on anymore. Haha.

I'm going to PR in 12 days with BK - my bestest - and I can't wait. I really need that break. Also, we will be seeing Kanye (be still my heart!) in May. Loooooove!

Finally, today should've been alright. Yeah, it was going to be stressful since I was cheated of a weekend, but it should've been okay. Bearable.

But here's the thing: Friday, I literally ran into J. in the parking lot outside the Vietnamese place. He was leaving the barber shop, I was picking up dinner. He was all nonchalant as soon as he picked his jaw up from the asphalt. Hey, what's up. I dapped him up, whatever.... Why you following me? he asked. I rolled my eyes, "Please, I'm not following you. I'm tryin' to get some food." I walked off, still on the phone, still working my walk.
Today, at the GC meeting, he said, "I gotta holla at you." I said fine, thinking it had something to do with students, with their stories, something to do with work. So I stopped by (mistake number 1) and sat down when he asked me to (mistake number 2).
He said he had three things to tell me, but that I had to wait it out and listen to all three.
Okay....
1. I'm sorry for everything.
Okay.
2. Out of respect, so you don't hear it through the rumor mill, I'm going to be a daddy.
Okay.
3. Seriously, I didn't want things to end up this way. I really thought we were going to be together forever.
What?
I thought we were going to be together forever. I mean, I thought....
Who?
You and me, he said.
I rolled my eyes. I don't believe him. I can't. He says he still can't stop thinking about me, that he dreams of me, but I can't believe him. I've worked too hard to get over him, cried too much to let this happen again, have waited so long for some semblance of healing. This man broke my heart. Crushed it. And I won't lie - I'm not totally over him. I know he's not worth it. I know I deserve better. I know he did wrong. But that doesn't change the fact that I really hoped that it would work, and what's worse, I believed it'd work. It was the first time in five years that I'd imagined myself being with someone forever. I believed in it, and I wanted it. Really wanted it.

He had a list of 100 things we should do together. He wanted me to take it, but when I saw it, it made me tear up and made my heart break a little.
Grade papers together, wash dishes, watch the sunrise, see Kanye, go to a Redskins game, watch my little sister play sports, go to school fundraisers together....
It was those little things that got to me. I couldn't keep it. I dropped it on his desk and walked away.
I gave him too many opportunities. I know this. I won't do it again, and I told him that. He called after I walked away. I didn't want to talk.
He said something - some sob story about A. and how things weren't working out. I cut him off: "That's your story. You chose it."
"You're right."

I'm a stupid girl. I HATE that. HATE that I still feel this when I know he's wrong. It's not that I'm going to turn a blind eye to everything, but that doesn't make it hurt less. I'm not going back to him, but that doesn't mean I wasn't dangerously close to falling in love with him. Things like that aren't so easily erased.

My wounds were just beginning to heal and now this. Now this.

I talked to BK about it, though. Because she gets me, because she will listen to me cry, validate my feelings, and then remind me that I'm better than this. Too good for him. He's not what you want, she said. She's right.
Goodness, I love that girl.
Don't know where I'd be without her.

Ah, and for today:


I decided to forget and mature. I will start again, I will make it. I left you in the past, you've been forgotten. I don't want to see your picture on my dresser....