Fullness

I'm a bit of an insomniac lately. Surprise, surprise.... I do go through these sleepless periods pretty regularly. I think I'm pretty alright right now, though.

I just wanted to blog quickly while I was still feeling this way. I feel FULL today. It's good. Not food full, just, hmmm... God full, perhaps. Blessed might be a way to say the same thing, only it's more than that. It's contentment, blessing, and acknowledgment of blessing all at once. There's more, I just can't put words to it.

We saw Shane Claiborne speak this morning, and it was really good - this challenge to be a different kind of __________. I guess right now, a different kind of unemployed graduate student. Ha, ha. After that, R., E., and I went into Philly to hang out a bit (and miss peak hours). We got some ice cream at Reading Terminal Market - three scoops split three ways - and sat on a bench outside to enjoy it. There was good conversation and good ice cream: two wonderful things.
Then we headed out to Fishtown to have dinner at J. and A.'s house. They have a sweet dog who was super excited to see us. Burritos were great (yay, Hispanic food!) and so was the conversation.
We walked to Circle of Hope, where, for a moment, I felt like I was not cool enough. That feeling faded pretty quickly though - it was unlike any service I've ever attended before. It felt really fresh and really - inclusive. There was a rawness that I appreciate, and we met some cool people, including another Mission Year alum. (Whoot!) After that, the long train ride home to Wayne.

Oh, but I feel good. It's good to see these churches, to connect with people who want something bigger, you know?
I guess I'm realizing how much I needed to be shaken out of my comfort. I remember before I left for Mission Year, I sat down and told God: "I don't want to be comfortable." Last fall, I said the same thing again. I could feel myself getting sucked into the steadiness, the stability, the one-place-for-a-long-time thing, and I knew I didn't want that. But it's a hard thing to fight. I often think that humans can adapt to just about anything - we settle in. It feels good to be shaking out of that and stepping out into something different and big and uncertain.

Both R. and E. mentioned it today, and I have to agree: it's these blind steps that remind us that we don't get to call the shots, and even when we think we are, we really aren't. It's a good place to be, though.

That NEVER happens!

Like any other grown woman who's left a job and security to go back to school full time, I've been more than a little concerned about money. I'm really praying about whether or not to look for a job - I'm giving myself a month to see how work would play into my new schedule. I might be able to handle it, but it might be too much. Anyway, in the meantime, I'm trying to be careful about money.
Today I was getting ready to go to school when there was a knock on the door. He had some questions about mail that was being forwarded (oh, the joys of having a parent with a similar name...) and he delivered the rest of the mail. Anyway, I opened this big envelope that my dad had sent me and found three more envelopes inside: one dealing with my loans, the other from the hospital, and the third: a check for almost three hundred dollars.

Hello, miracle!

Today...

I taught my sixth block how to dance salsa.

Just a basic step, but so much fun.

I promise, it's a tool to teach grammar - the imperative and giving orders, to be exact - but it's also a ton of fun. The girls all end up dancing with each other, one or two of the guys surprise everyone with their dance skills, and I realize how much I move my hips.
We all laugh, no one is terribly self concious, we forget this is school and that we are learning - culture, grammar, verbs....

It's FUN.

Definitely my favorite lesson to teach. With sixth block, it's a refresher on the imperative, but the best part is that next week, I get to do it again with third and seventh blocks when they discover the joys of giving orders.

I'm looking forward to it.

Besides, it's a good workout. ;)

Gratitude

Things I'm thankful for:

1. A positive observation
2. Naps to fight off migraines
3. The greatness of God (and by great I mean big)
4. Feeling tiny and insignificant, but in a good way, after seeing the lunar eclipse
5. The elliptical being down in the basement
6. The fact that I got my lazy bum out of bed this morning for a twenty-minute session on the elliptical and that I put in a full 70 minutes of exercise while watching AI
7. My upcoming trip to PR
8. A body that works
9. Papa John's thin crust veggie pizza - light on the cheese
10. Getting in the recommended servings of fruits and veggies in one day (someone should congratulate me)
11. My family and friends
12. A possible soccer game on Saturday (I get to play with the boys AGAIN!)

S told me that if I went outside I could see the lunar eclipse, and I kind of didn't want to because it's cold and it snowed (two things I hate). But then I decided I didn't have to sit out there and watch it for hours, so I stepped outside, stood on the porch in my t-shirt and yoga pants, and checked it out.

There is nothing that makes me feel as close to God as the beach, but a lunar eclipse might be close. There's something about the perfection of the natural world that really makes me aware of how vast and how precise God is, at least in my understanding of Him. He's got this whole complicated system worked out - He works it out - and it's beyond me.
I love that feeling of being dwarfed by Someone so wonderful.

You know that feeling?

I woke up not too long ago to "Lágrimas negras" by José Feliciano, the light of my lamp, that terrible feeling of contacts sticking to my eyeballs, and the knot in my stomach that made me think I was late for work.
For a minute I was panicky, and then came the deliciousness of the realization that it was Saturday. Mmmmm.... One good thing in this scenario.
I'm sick, I'm stressed, my back hurts, but it's Saturday and I get to go back to sleep as soon as I feel like it.

Yum. Love this feeling....