Kickin' it old school

A few bits of brilliance that feel like a blast from the past.

1. "Unpretty" by TLC

The 90s were so the time for "girl power", cheesy as that might be. The result? Sharon singing "Revolución femenina" in the early days of reggaetón, the Spice Girls, and this song by TLC, among others. Who didn't love TLC back in the day? This song is just so good. Every woman can identify with it at some point in her life, but it's the the kind of thing that gives you hope. It reminds you that your worth as a woman is in something so much deeper than your looks. Even pretty girls need to hear that.

2. "When Can I See You Again" by Babyface

Oh, the crush I had on Babyface growing up.... I remember singing my little heart out to this one. Now, with more experience and more reasons to connect with the lyrics, it's taken on a new meaning. "What if I'm not truly over" and "When does 'you'll get over it' begin?" - mmmm. I feel ya. Besides, there's something about a stripped down r&b song that's refreshing.

3. At risk of totally embarrassing myself on the world wide web: "Missing You" by Amy Grant"

Obviously, it's not Amy Grant, but the one version of her actually singing it on youtube is in six parts or so. If you can get past the rambling at the beginning, the girl sings it pretty well. That song was on repeat when I was in high school and on-again-off-again with good ol' F. Haha. I still think that in spite of, or maybe because of, the cheese factor, it's a good song. That part about the "hopeful thrill" of the phone ringing is just so right, you know?

4. "Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins

I used to belt this one out when it came on the radio when I was about, oh, ten. I remember that I felt oh-so-bad-@$$ singing it because she said both "damn" and "lover" in the chorus. What I didn't realize then is how incredibly bold she is in the song.

5. "Under the Bridge" by The Red Hot Chili Peppers

This song.... This song was the beginning of my love affair with music. I was in fifth grade and it was the first song that I loved that my parents hadn't already preapproved for me. Does that make sense? It was my first completely independent musical selection, not, of course, that I was allowed to buy the cd (Blood Sugar Sex Magik? I wasn't stupid!) but I fell in love with the Chili Peppers then. The thing is: they're still flippin' brilliant. Even then, I knew this song was hauntingly beautiful; now that I know what it's about, it's even more amazing. Plus, I was able to appreciate the sexiness of Anthony Kiedis then. ;)

6. "Peaches" by The Presidents of the United States of America

Yeah, it's crazy random. Crazy, crazy, crazy random. And hilarious! I got a can of peaches for my fourteenth birthday, that's how much this song influenced my life. But come on now: "Peaches come from a can, they were put there by a man in a factory downtown"?! Brilliant! And ninjas in the video before ninjas were even that cool. Bonus.

7. "Fight For Your Right (To Party)" by the Beastie Boys
What's not to love about The Beastie Boys?! They mixed up every kind of music I loved, wrote clever lyrics, and were so awkward that it was perfect. Everything they did was pure genius. This song pretty much sums up the teen experience, plus they give themselves a shout out in their own song. That always struck me as pretty stinkin' funny.

8. "This is How We Do It" by Montell Jordan

Just so stinkin' CATCHY! It's still the kind of song that makes me wanna get up and dance, just like it did back in the day.

9. "Crossroads" by Bone Thugs N Harmony

This song is just so beautiful. It was one of the first of the more - let's say urban - songs that I could really appreciate. When songs are true, there's a connection that transcends barriers of age and generation and socioeconomics. When this song came out, I'd only lost my great-grandmother. Ten, eleven years later, I've lost so many more people and I feel this song more deeply. It's such a good one - as are "Days of Our Lives" and "First of the Month".

10. "Jane Says" Jane's Addiction

I remember listening to this on Q101 back in IL - which I was totally NOT allowed to listen to, by the way. It was on several of the mix tapes that I was obsessed with making at the time. I didn't really understand that it was a song about a drug addiction - I was obviously a naive kid in that area (see number 5), but the lyrics and that plaintive quality really got to me. The lines that I most loved then are the ones I most love now: "I've never been in love, I don't know what it is. She only knows if someone wants her. I want 'em if they want me." I can't even put words to how good those lines are.

11. "Mr. Jones" by Counting Crows

I was going to leave it at ten, but then I remembered this gem. I've always been a sucker for a story song - hence my love for country music - and for songs about wanting to be more than what you are. I guess that's the running theme in all of the above (with the exception of "Peaches" perhaps). This song is just so GOOD.

Hard to

Finally: The aforementioned poem comes out of hiding.

They tell me I'm hard to forget
that I can't be shaken off,
that I'm the one they fall in love with,
the question mark,
the "What if?".
But what I'd like
is not only to be remembered,
but to stick around awhile.
I'd like to climb out of this
fear of forever
take love for what it is
and what it's not
and just live it.
A little surrender might be good
for me.
A little surrender and a little abandon.
I'd like to throw this
fear to the wind
and know that this could break me,
could cripple and kill me,
but that it is worth
that risk.

They tell me I'm hard to forget.
I'd like to be a little easier to keep.

Hypothetical

So, it's been forever. I've had a few things kickin' around in my head that I wanted to blog about, but I haven't quite gotten down to it yet. Among them:
1. Info on the upcoming move to PA
2. The movie "American Gangster", the allure of organized crime, and violence among minorities (that was going to be a deep one)
3. The kids from camp, the issues at the rec, our field trip to the zoo, and being told I have a "donk" (on the lighter side)
4. A review of "Killing Pablo" (Read it!) and an update on "The Rape of Nanking" (chilling)
5. Immigration - the Latino perspective and the European perspective - common themes in music
6. The movie "Caramel" and how badly I now want to go to Lebanon because they made it seem like the most achingly beautiful place in the world
7. A poem I wrote months ago but was afraid to post because I was worried one particular person would take it the wrong way. I just kind of love it....


Of course, today, you have none of the above, except that you also have all of the above. Just a glimpse into my head - we'll see how I elaborate on this at some other time, when I have more time to get my thoughts together and online.

Más vale vivir llorando que morir sin saber cuanto

Mujer de 26 años (Hey! That's me!) by Tony Croatto and Fiel a la Vega


Love that song, the bittersweetness of settling for stability and the pang of regret all those years later and the determination to let her daughter live without all the pressures of el qué dirán. It's so Latin.... My parents are old-school Puerto Rican, and that qué dirán is such a huge deal in the family, that I can totally identify with the woman in the song.

A little clarification for non-Spanish speakers: el qué dirán is the fear of what others will say about the decisions we make and the things that we do. We live public lives, us Latinos, and that fear is a huge part of traditional Latino culture - it was one of the recurring themes in all of the texts we read in A2....

Anyway, on a different note, I have a place to live and roommate for next year. J and I secured a cute little apartment five minutes from Eastern which I'm excited about. We even have a front porch! I heart porches. I'm a little (ha!) worried about money, but I'm trusting God to provide for me.

I went to ICC last night and saw a lot of the folks from the retreat. I really enjoy spending time there, even though I am pretty much the only one who's not Korean.

Well, as long as I'm up so early, I should get my booty in gear and work out. I've been so laaaaaazy this summer!

"Just tell 'em I'm your kid!"

So I've kind of fallen in love with one of the little girls at the rec center - she's not even in my camp because she's too young. Anyway, this little girl, we'll call her A., went swimming today when I took my group out to the pool. She is FEARLESS and feisty and TINY which is why I love her so much, I think.

Anyway, today, after allowing the big kids to toss her into the water and swimming around like a champ, she came over to me and collapsed on her towel next to the pool. She talked to me for a while, and I told her I was going to steal her and take her home with me. She was like, "Okay."
I said, "No, the police would come and I'd go to jail for stealing you from your mama."
She didn't miss a beat: "Just tell 'em I'm your kid!"
I laughed and asked, "Do you think they'd believe us?"
"Of course."

Oh, kids.



A. with her brother, B.

I <3 books

As I mentioned in a previous post, I've been reading a lot, and remembering how nice it is to have time to read. I went to Borders today after to work to look for a few books that folks had suggested, but was unable to find them. I did, however, find three more books to keep me busy for the rest of the summer (Check them out under "Currently Reading").
I'm thisclose to finishing News of a Kidnapping, which I seriously can't recommend enough. If you're not a fan of non-fiction, this book reads like a novel. It's unbelievable that it's based on a series of true stories.

Anyway, the point is, I'm taking any and all reading suggestions right now, so if there's something I need to read, let me know.

PS I heart bookstores. There's this beauty in the shelves, the scent of so much paper and ink, the therapeutic weight of a book in your hands.... I love it.

Pros

Since I've already made a list of what I don't like, here are the things I do like about commuting:

1. Time to read. I've already read "Malinche" by Laura Esquivel, "The Bolivian Diary" by Ernesto "Che" Guevara, and am halfway through "News of a Kidnapping" by Gabriel García Márquez.
I've enjoyed all three, but would have to say that "News of a Kidnapping" is hands down my favorite. García Márquez's fiction is brilliant, but his nonfiction is better in my opinion. You can see how the journalist and the novelist in him combine to weave together this seamless story, talking about the real experiences of these Colombian hostages and their families in 1990. What a time to read it, too, because of the recent release of hostages in Colombia! Granted, this situation was different because the hostages I'm reading about where held by Pablo Escobar, while the others were held by the FARC, but it still seems to relevant.

2. The stretch of track between L'Enfant Plaza and the Pentagon.
You go from a tunnel to the brilliance of day over the Potomac. The sun paints the surface of the river with silver light that makes me think of Río de la Plata in Argentina. You can see the cars on the 14th Street Bridge as they come into the city from VA or vice versa. And it's a nice long stretch, with all this beautiful natural light and the river below. I love it.

3. People watching
'Nuff said.

So I guess there are only three, but they should count. ;)

"Too" raw

Perhaps it's too vulnerable, too honest, and too raw, but I'm a hot mess right now, and I don't know that I really need to keep holding up the front. Sometimes things fall apart. Sometimes it's your own damn fault, because you put too much stock in what everyone else is going to say. Because you've built yourself up to be all muscle and grit and walls. Because you are just too picky but apparently selling yourself short.... Basically, when you win, you lose. And everyone else has a better understanding of what I want and need than I do. So before this gets even more convoluted - know that the poem is straight up as it came out. It probably needs a lot of editing, a lot of work, but here it is for now.

Too

I am the dreaded
independent woman.
The one who's perpetually single,
too smart, too pretty, too fat, too skinny -
too-TOO
for most men.
That strong woman
who bought into the feminist ideal:
You, too, can have it all.
Except that here, in the quarterlife,
I'm struggling to find that.
Throw in this brown skin,
la mancha de plátano,
the crisis of the second generation.
I am too-TOO.
Too Latina, too American, too young, too old -
too picky.
I am that complete package:
beauty, brains, heart.
That's what they tell me.
They say "you could have anyone",
and they all fall.
But when I fall,
they say I sell myself short.
There's this:
sometimes that independent woman,
that strong woman,
that too-TOO woman,
needs a moment,
a series of moments,
to be like the rest:
to be a girl.
To fall carelessly and wrecklessly,
to doodle hearts in the margins,
to dream of weddings on a beach,
and to forget for a moment
everything that she's had
to build up and fight for
alone.
But when you're that woman
too tough, too strong, too hard -
everyone's watching.

*edited slightly already....

hood, food, good

As I was walking to work today, they were putting some police tape across Princeton. Turns out there was a shooting there last night. The block was real quiet and none of the usual drug dealers were out since the place was swarming with police. They are going to be working out of the little building over by the playground, right along the street where everything went down last night.

In happier news, today was cooking day at camp and we had a couple of Thai dishes: Thai lettuce roll ups and Thai curry noodles. Both were hits with the kids, though they preferred the first.



They were delicious. My boy, M., was so excited because he says he only eats "fast food" and didn't know he liked other stuff. Cute, but sad.

The weekend was spectacular despite the fact that I dropped my phone in a toilet and was without running water for a day. I'll have to post pics of that later.

For now, there's only this:

"More Than Friends"



I love Estelle.....

Weakened like Achilles with you always at my heels

This song is so freakin' beautiful; I've had it in my head all evening...



Sorry that the video sucks as much as it does....

Triple time

I've got to stop posting so often....
I had meant to blog about this earlier, but I got carried away with A. and El Che and Nikki Giovanni.

This is what I hate about commuting to DC, particularly in summer:
1. Tourists who get up noisily on the metro to peer at the map and shout out "Which stop are we looking for again?" during the morning rush hour. Hey, out of towners, NO ONE TALKS ON METRO IN THE MORNINGS! If you don't know where you're going, get a pocket map and keep it with you or sit across from the map on the wall or - and I know this is a novel idea - do a little research beforehand and figure that out at home. If you've got the map, the rest of us will still know to avoid you on the escalators, but at least you won't be so OBNOXIOUS.

2. Tourists who stand two and three across on the escalators. Stand right, walk left, folks. Some of us need to be somewhere working, not lollygagging on the Mall, so if y'all could just step to the right in a single file and let us pass by, we'd really appreciate it.

3. Tourists who don't move to the center of the car on Metro. If you get on the train and there are no available seats, don't balk at the door looking around like you're not sure whether or not you're supposed to be there. Keep it moving; there are rails you can hold on to. And don't all stand in front of the door and decide that's the best spot for your family of seven. File in and leave the space by the doors free so people can exit and enter the trains easily.

4. Commuters on the Franconia-Springfield bus who talk on their cell phones (loudly) in the mornings. Apply the rules of Metro to the bus and let people sleep on their way to the station, for the love!

5. Drivers who talk loudly on the phone or listen to music and loudly as possible while they've got slugs in their cars. Turn it down, turn it to one of those God-awful stations: soft rock or "smooth jazz" or WTOP or screw those and turn on something worth listening to: NPR; and call your friends back once you've dropped us off in the commuter lot.

*sigh* Glad to get that out.... Don't get me wrong, I love the diversity of public/near-public transport here: Metro, buses, slugging (organized hitch-hiking unique to the area), but we have rules for it. Follow them and we should have a smooth ride....

Long one

Thursday, but it feels like Friday, which is oh-so-nice. We took the kids on a field trip today. They went to Chipotle and then to the National Portrait Gallery to check out the Recognize and Champions exhibits. I'm always annoyed that no one likes to go to the museums as much as I do, because we have such a wealth of interesting things to see here in the DC area - AND it's all FREE. I don't take advantage of it often enough, so I was glad to go today. My kids were well-behaved, Mr. D's group was, as I like to say, "off the chain". So much so, that security had to come and tell them to keep it down.

I promised my kids a reward on Monday for their good behavior. Even my boy J. and my girl P., who are a little wild and a little ADHD, respectively, were good. It was a good time, although the kids worry me because they weren't too excited about the fake Mexican food, which means they are going to freak out when we take them out for pho' next week.... I, however, will be one happy, happy girl with my delicious Vietnamese. YUMMM!

Other than that, I met one of the guys who hangs out on the corner all day. They call him Frenchie (he's actually French) according to J who knows EVERYONE. He's got this little accent which is quite charming, but I just thought it was amusing that he was the first of the corner guys to actually ask me out - he suggested we go play pool sometime at Buffalo Bill's on Dupont. I gave him my classic, "Oh, I don't know, I live all the way down in VA, and it's so far...."

Oh! And I jumproped with the girls today. Who knew I still had it in me?! Haha... They did this little rhyme to count how many "husbands" I had as I jumped, and I made it to ten, which P. proceeded to shout out across the playground: "Oooh! Miss Frances gonna have ten husbands!" M., one of the boys in my group for the fieldtrip yelled back, "Yeah, I'm one of them."

They start so young....


Besides the work stuff, I spent a lot of time thinking about A., about last night, about our conversation and the forgotten discs of dough for empanadillas in the freezer. I think I listened to "Travelin' Soldier" twice on my way to work this morning.... I don't know what it is, but he's under my skin - in a good way. He's a good man in ways that few men are. I wrote something a few months ago, a little piece scrawled on a post-it note after work one day. It was about being swept up sometimes by love or attraction or whatever it might be. Sometimes it comes slowly, quietly, paulatinamente, and sometimes you just fall. The last line was "química instantánea". Instant chemistry. That was it with A. It was just this catching of the eyes across the room, a moment's wait, an invitation to dance, and there it went. The rest just flowed. *sigh* It is what it is, and there is purpose for everything. Even if someone is only in your life for a brief moment, there can still be a greater impact. I think of Peter on the Plane, Ni-Ni, my girl S. in CR, among others. All these people who made me a better person despite being in my life for as little as an hour.... Maybe that'll be A. Or maybe he'll be someone I run into again later in life. We'll see.


Last two points: I'm reading Che Guevara's Bolivian Diary, and it's kind of heart breaking. I don't agree with all his ideology, but there is so much beauty in what he writes, and I love his passion for justice, for politics and mobilization. I love that he wanted something and gave himself to that. I hope I can be so passionate and dedicated. I'm reading through July right now, and his asthma has been bad, he's running out of medication, and the cave where they'd stored their reserves was found and raided. I'm so worried that he's going to die because of the asthma even though I KNOW the CIA and the Bolivian army are going to capture and execute him in October.... Anyway, that, and the situation in Colombia with the freed hostages just have me thinking, a bit about revolution, a bit about justice, a bit about passion and the pursuit of a the greater good.... Which is probably with this piece by Nikki Giovanni at the Recognize! exhibit hit me so hard today. Am I allowed to say that I really like her? Me? A suburban Puerto Rican girl? I do.

Anyway, this is the last point:

It’s Not a Just Situation:
Though We Just Can’t Keep Crying About It
(For the Hip Hop Nation
That Brings Us Such Exciting Art)

By Nikki Giovanni



You don’t
Just wake up and brush your teeth and make up your bed
and put on your favorite pair of blue jeans

You don’t
on other evenings
Just sneak away from your sleeping lover
Just to grab a bite of Quik Stop
Just to hop a train

You don’t
Just visit the 24 hour superstore
Just to get a few cans
of spray paint
And
Just happen to have a case to put them in

You are not
Just out of yellow
So you’ll
Just shadow with grey this time
And
Just shy of metallic blue you will
Just fill in with electric orange

You are not
Just bored
Or hungry or silly or
Just crying for attention

You are
Just, if there is a
Just
Trying to be an artist

You are
Just
If there is any
Justice
Trying to find a way of not
Just surviving but living

You are just
trying to show the beautiful soul of your people
You are just
trying to say “I’m alive”
You are just
determined to be more
than what the powers who
Just hate the idea of you want you to be

You are just
trying to discover the route
of the neo underground railroad
so that your kids can
Just be free

You are just
being a man
You are just realizing
your womanhood
You are just singing and smiling
because you
Just don’t want to cry anymore

You are just
falling in love
because hatred is too hard to bear

You are just
determined
to be the very best you and
You just guess
you better not let anyone take that away

You are just
a person
with a big heart and wonderful talent
That you just
think should be shared

Put a button on it
people

‘cause suspenders
Just
won’t
do

waitin' for the love of a travelin' soldier....

I should be sleeping, but I got home about an hour ago from my date with A. Can I just say I really like that boy? I've enjoyed the time I've spent with him, letting him shake up my rules. (No one younger, no military....)

It was a good time today, though we both knew it was the last time for a long time (maybe ever?) but that made the conversation that much better, that much sweeter. Like I said, I really should be sleeping, but I needed to get a few things out.

First, I'm glad for A. He's got that chispa - initiative, determination, spirit - that I like. He's that rare blend of toughness and sensitivity, the kind of man who won't insult your independence by making you wait for him to open EVERY DOOR IN THE WORLD, but is still a perfect gentlman; the kind of guy you could definitely take home to Mom. There's a seriousness about him that I like, although he still made me laugh to no end tonight. I'm glad I met him, glad we hung out, glad for everything about him. He's the first guy whom I didn't constantly compare to J. and that is SUCH a good thing. Not that I'm totally over J., but that A. showed me there really are other men with whom I can connect on every level that matters.

And while he's not going off to war (thank GOD!), he is going off to FL for more training and then he'll be touring with the Honor Guard, and that's enough to have me humming this song:
"Travelin' Soldier" (Or Airman, whatever)

Summer, summer, summertime

Can I just say: I am so freakin' tan! Working at a summer camp is the best thing I could be doing to get this sweet golden brown here in the States, although it's probably not the best thing for my skin. I will say that I have recently starting spraying myself with SPF 15 daily before leaving, and I reapply SPF 30 to my face periodically. I'm working on it....
That said, I am still the whitest person at work.

Moving on, I have another date with A. tonight - the last before he's off to FL for his deployment. Like I said, it's been fun, and I have enjoyed hanging out. He's a really cool dude. We'll see if we keep in touch after tonight....