Songs I've been listening to a lot lately - the latest soundtrack of my life.
1. "I Want a Little Sugar in My Bowl" by Nina Simone
Oh, the scandal. Dirty, dirty little song, but so smooth you almost don't even notice it. Hahaha. This is the perfect sound for studying, though, and her voice is fantastic. I love her.
2. "P.D.A. (We Just Don't Care)" by John Legend
Who doesn't know how much I love John Legend? No one, that's who. This particular video has the lyrics translate (not quite accurately, as far as I can tell) into Portuguese, which I thought was fun. I love the "Let's go to the park. I want to kiss you underneath the stars" lines....
3. "Refuge (When It's Cold Outside" by John Legend
As long as we're talking Mr. Legend.... This is such a good, good song. "When it's cold outside, there's no need to worry, 'cause I'm so warm inside. You give me peace." So cheesy, so cute. This is probably my favorite of his songs.
4. "Like a Star" by Corinne Bailey Rae
Her voice! 'Nuff said. Can you tell I've been listening to all this mellow stuff while studying? Hahaha...
5. "Restless" by Alison Krauss and Union Station
The woman's voice is unbelievable: clear, effortless, beautiful. "I just can't stand bein' alone; gonna have to change that someday." This song and "Gravity" have been top of my list lately.
6. "These Arms of Mine" by Otis Redding
Combining one of my favorite songs with a great dance routine.... Oh, this song! "These arms of mine, they are yearning, yearning from wanting you. And if you would let them hold you, oh, how grateful I will be." Mmmm, what a way with words, and how subtly sexy. The dance routine, a little less subtle on the sexy, but still fabulous.
7. "You Were Made for Me" by Sam Cooke
They just don't make music like this anymore.
8. "Welcome to DC" by Mambo Sauce
This is the one that I'm blastin' in the car on my way to school. "The G. O. the G. O...." Yessir, that is the sound of Go-Go, the sound of home. The video isn't good, not gonna lie, but the sound! "Much love to VA and MD, that's why the new DC is the DMV." Who knew I'd be reppin' it like this. Hahaha...
9. "Una plegaria más" by Fiel a la Vega
Surprise, surprise: a little Fiel love. This song gets to me more and more these days, though, because of the way they're trying to figure out just how God is involved in all the brokenness of the world. It's the kind of the thing that we're working through in class, too. Not that I've quite figured it out - I don't think I ever will. But I do believe He's somehow involved in it with this plan that's so much bigger than my head.
10. "I Tried" by Bone Thugs N Harmnoy Feat. Akon
Bone Thugs will always hold a special place in my heart. "I'm startin'to see it's me where the complication's at" Great line! That's always a hard thing to admit, not that the message is consistent, throughout, but that's so good. Plus, this song fits with my idea that nothing worth having comes easily.
11. "Much" by Ten Shekel Shirt
Obviously, not the original, but the song is the point of it. "I am the one who's been forgiven much, and I am the one who loves much." I'm working on that second half.
12. "Constellations" by Jack Johnson
So chill, so good. Can't you just picture the whole thing? I love it. What is up with all the Portuguese translations, though?!
13. "One" by U2 feat. Mary J. Blige
Two legends on a legendary song. It's got a new flavor, and it made me think about the lyrics again, instead of just sitting back and listening. The crush I have on Bono and the respect I have for MJB make me a sucker for this particular version.
14. "Tell You Something (Nana's Reprise)" by Alicia Keys
"I wanna tell you something, give you something, show you in so many ways....Won't wait till it's too late." This is the kind of song I wish I could live by.
15. "Que Sera Sera" by Sly and the Family Stone
My favorite version of a great song. This version is like magic: mellow, but not boring at all. Those harmonies are on point.
So J. got the mail today and let me know that I had gotten a package in the mail. It had the tell-tale shape of a book - familiar to us both because all I ever get in the mail are text books. But when I pulled the envelope down, I noticed that there was a Mission Year sticker in the corner: there it was: my autographed copy of New Neighbor: An Invitation to Join Beloved Community by Leroy Barber. Here's why I got an autographed copy: because this girl (yes, ME!) is listed as a contributing author. There's an edited version of this post in the book. Also, one of my classmates, N.M., is also featured in the book, not to mention pictures of another classmate, S. It's unbelievable to me that I have this book, that I know the real author, know other contributing authors, and know the subjects of some of the photos.... Anyway, it looks like it'll be good downtime reading for when I'm so over anything that has to do with my classes, and it's a freakin' beautiful book with all those photos. Excellent job! That is my little advertisement. I promise I am getting absolutely NO money for this plug, I just really do think it's worth checkin' out. Plus, holy geez!, I've always wanted to see something I'd written in print and there it is, folks! Haha.
So I was doing a little preliminary research on the topic I want to pursue for my Urban Politics midterm - the role of Latinos in Philadelphia politics - but I'm having a hard time finding some real data. I mean, in a city that was 8.5% Latino almost 9 years ago (we all know that's gone up) I find it hard to believe that there isn't more information about mobilizing the Latino community (about 75% Puerto Rican, so don't give me the "they can't vote" argument!) to take political action. Hmmm... Just makes me think, is all. I think I'll find info, it'll just take a bit of legwork, and it's a topic I'm interested in, so I'll do what I have to do.
In lighter news, I was sitting here, calmly looking for information, when I felt something tickling my arm. I looked down and there was this huge brown spider just crawling along. I don't normally have a problem with spiders, but I do have an issue with them invading my personal space, and my skin is definitely my personal space. I swept it off, and it fell to the floor, and now I'm a little creeped out by this bold little arachnid just crawlin' around. I don't want to swallow it in my sleep....
I should be reading because I've been slacking all night: chatting with J. and BK. - the old Mission Year roomies, catching up with my current roommate J., facebook.... We'll just say I've been a little distracted. Plus, I tried a little studying with B., but ended up mostly reading the same paragraphs over and over again, distracted by how comfortable his shoulder is. I did read an article and a half, which is something, right? Ha ha. I'm such a slacker by the end of the week....
Anyway, I'm dealing with a lot of tough issues in my classes, and trying to see how they fit into my experience, or the other way around, I can't tell anymore. I'm trying to bridge that gap between theory and practice, and I'm realizing I'm a bit on the cynical side sometimes. I guess that's what happens when you've spent a little time in the "real world".
I'm also being confronted with a lot of my own selfishness and doubt and basic brokenness. Not that that's a bad thing. It's actually the kind of thing that produces growth, and that's why I'm here and doing this crazy thing. I'm trying to become less like what I "should be" and more like what God wants me to be. Not that I'm always good at that, just that that's the goal. It's funny, because I'm not completely settled, I'm uncomfortable and out of my element, things aren't easy, and God is dealing with me in big and small ways, but I feel this PEACE. Like, when the Bible talks about paz que sobrepasa todo entendimiento (Phil 4:7), this is it - at least in my limited understanding. Like I can just lean back in these arms of love and know that though things are crazy, it's not up to me to worry about it, and that it's all being taken care of.
We went salsa dancing Friday night - such a good time! B, Me, and N before the dancing begins: B, J, and N The crew after a night of salsa, merengue, and bachata. Good times!
I've been listening to Alison Krauss obsessively the past couple of days. Her voice is unbelievable, even if you aren't a country fan, listen. It's not too twangy, I promise. There's this song:
The lines that I was most struck by:
And all the answers that I started with Turned out questions in the end
This is pretty much how I'm feeling at this point in my grad school journey. I feel like everything I came in knowing has become a bigger question, and that's not a bad thing. I've been doing the same thing for the past three years, and now there's this. I thought I knew just what I wanted, but I want more, I want better, I want a greater challenge. And I'm getting it. This is the opposite of the comfort of home, G-F, and family. Which is not to say that I'm miserably uncomfortable, just that I'm stretching, and that's a good thing. I'm finding so much. So many questions, so many dreams, and so many surprises....
Good surprises.
I'm taking this for what it's worth, and feeling my way through it the way I do. I don't want to say too much, or speak too soon, but I didn't think it was possible to -be so happy in this uncertainty and change. It's good-good.
Anyway, Alison Kraus....
You keep a-lookin' into that mirror. But to me you're lookin' really fine.
Last night I was sprawled out on the floor, reading, armed with my books, a green highlighter and a pen. I'm such a good student. I totally fell asleep on my book, with the highlighter uncapped, and marking a big circle in the middle of the page in chapter eight. When I woke up, I simply capped the highlighter, and rolled over so I could go back to sleep. When I really woke up, I got in bed.
I kind of can't say the title without saying it half in Spanish and half in English like they did in some skit on the Raymond Arrieta Show (or something like that) where they made fun of "Follow Me to America" - this English learning series....
Anway! The point is, I'm really excited about the "Following" feature on blogger. I guess it appeals to my curious nature, but it also lets me know when everyone's blogs have been updated so that I don't check someone's blog fifty times in a month to see if she's finally posted anything to entertain me. (*cough, cough* you know who I'm talking about, and I'll see you soooooon!)
And if you think I should be reading the brilliance you're writing, send me a link. I always need distraction from all the heavy reading I've got to do. ;)
I realized today that yesterday's post was my 200th. That's a lot of writing, a lot of soundtracks of my life, a lot of time avoiding responsibility, a lot of sorting out of everything in my head....
This is what I discover when I'm putting off working on papers - you know, written works that really matter. ;)
So yesterday, it rained all day, the remnants or effects of the hurricane, I guess.... I also had to meet with my group to work on our Urban Politics project. The other two members of my group live up in West Philly, so I headed out there in the storm. I was driving along, and was thinking about the time it stormed and my windshield wiper just flew off my car (not even kidding) and hoping that wouldn't happen again. Anyway, I got past Villanova when my windshield wiper decided it was on strike - the wiper blade was at a forty-five degree angle, and was not so much clearing the rain off the glass. So I stopped and tried to fix it, but was unsuccessful. I called B. to see if he had any ideas for how to make it work, but no luck. I got back on the road and decided I'd just play the girl card at a gas station. The first place couldn't help me, but the second place totally hooked me up: new wiper blade and installation for $15. Prayer answered.
So I made it to West Philly, parked my car in my usual spot, and hurried to meet with my group. Two hours later, I left, and was heading to B.'s place to deliver some cups, which I had to get from the car. So I'm walking along, rummaging for my keys in my purse, and talking on the phone, and I realize I can't find my keys.... Yeah, I totally left them in the ignition. And the car was safely locked up, of course, because I'm a freakin' GENIUS.
But this is the good part: everyone came out to help me out. They came armed with bobby pins and wire hangers, and worked as hard as they could to try to break into my car. That's a sign of good friends.... Ha, ha. Anyway, B. remembered he had AAA and saved the day. The car was unlocked, the cups were delivered, and all was well.
Sock soccer and a couple games of chess managed to make it an enjoyable night, even after all the car trouble.
Today, I did no school work. Well, I'll be reading before bed, but during the day, none. It felt good. We had lunch with some friends, went to Philly, hung out on South Street, grabbed some Mexican food, and went to Circle of Hope. I seriously love the worship there.... I also met a girl who was working with a community organization in a Puerto Rican neighborhood in Philly (MY PEOPLE!). We exchanged info, and I'm going to see about volunteering there. Vamos a ver...
In the interest of honesty, I've really been struggling this past week and a half to be okay with where I live. It felt almost like betrayal to find out that I was the only MY alum living somewhere else - a bit melodramatic, to be sure, but that was my initial reaction. Wayne isn't the kind of place I would've picked out on my own, you know? But I'm really trying to believe that I'm here for a reason; which is not to say that I can see that reason, just that I believe that it's out there - somewhere. The point, and the realization that I'm coming to (again), is that God doesn't live in West Philly, or in VA, or in the ATL, or in PR, or even in Wayne. God lives outside of space and time. I can have that community here, too. It might not be the same, but it's something just as real. Sometimes I'm real cabezona, as we say en buen puertorriqueño: I'm hard-headed. A reluctant learner, if you will. But I am learning. Not just in the academic, classroom, hours-in-my-reading-chair sense, but also in that day-to-day, stumbling, searching sense. This is one of those situations where all my inadequacies and insecurities come out and Dios me pule. Things happen, I change, I grow, I learn. We're gettin' somewhere.
I guess this is pretty random, but it's just funny how life works out. Things fall into place exactly when they need to - God works things out well....
It really does work better when I take my hands off and let Him take over.
I spent yesterday at the beach with B. It was the first time I'd been to the beach all summer long, so I was lovin' it. I'm a little toasty today - not quite burned, but close - but it was worth it.
First: feet Walking down to the beach Sunset Me and B. Streets Shoe, shell, crab. I promise all three are there. Surfer wiping out City lights B. and me. Feet, again.
I'm a bit of an insomniac lately. Surprise, surprise.... I do go through these sleepless periods pretty regularly. I think I'm pretty alright right now, though.
I just wanted to blog quickly while I was still feeling this way. I feel FULL today. It's good. Not food full, just, hmmm... God full, perhaps. Blessed might be a way to say the same thing, only it's more than that. It's contentment, blessing, and acknowledgment of blessing all at once. There's more, I just can't put words to it.
We saw Shane Claiborne speak this morning, and it was really good - this challenge to be a different kind of __________. I guess right now, a different kind of unemployed graduate student. Ha, ha. After that, R., E., and I went into Philly to hang out a bit (and miss peak hours). We got some ice cream at Reading Terminal Market - three scoops split three ways - and sat on a bench outside to enjoy it. There was good conversation and good ice cream: two wonderful things. Then we headed out to Fishtown to have dinner at J. and A.'s house. They have a sweet dog who was super excited to see us. Burritos were great (yay, Hispanic food!) and so was the conversation. We walked to Circle of Hope, where, for a moment, I felt like I was not cool enough. That feeling faded pretty quickly though - it was unlike any service I've ever attended before. It felt really fresh and really - inclusive. There was a rawness that I appreciate, and we met some cool people, including another Mission Year alum. (Whoot!) After that, the long train ride home to Wayne.
Oh, but I feel good. It's good to see these churches, to connect with people who want something bigger, you know? I guess I'm realizing how much I needed to be shaken out of my comfort. I remember before I left for Mission Year, I sat down and told God: "I don't want to be comfortable." Last fall, I said the same thing again. I could feel myself getting sucked into the steadiness, the stability, the one-place-for-a-long-time thing, and I knew I didn't want that. But it's a hard thing to fight. I often think that humans can adapt to just about anything - we settle in. It feels good to be shaking out of that and stepping out into something different and big and uncertain.
Both R. and E. mentioned it today, and I have to agree: it's these blind steps that remind us that we don't get to call the shots, and even when we think we are, we really aren't. It's a good place to be, though.
