Hello!

Hello!

31 January 2008

Nothing productive

I ran across this article about Britney Spears being taken to the hospital last night.
I don't normally keep up with all that gossip, I get that news from a friend who does nothing else (JUST KIDDING!), but this made me feel really bad for her.

No, I don't think she's particularly talented; no, I don't like her music; yes, I think she's made some bad decisions, but MAN! This poor girl. Her poor family. Her poor kids.
She obviously needs help, and perhaps a healthy dose of privacy.

Today

For today:
  1. I will work out hardcore.
  2. I will buy medicine and boxes for storage and packing.
  3. I will pack.
  4. I will not feel guilty for taking some time for myself.
  5. I will eat a big phatty salad and love it - I need something FRESH!
  6. I will catch up on all those things I've been meaning to do.
  7. I will congratulate myself on buying tickets to PR for Spring Break.
  8. I will enjoy moments of doing nothing productive.
  9. I will finally feel alive after weeks and weeks without sleep.

This song gets me in the mood for PR and relaxing. Mmmm...




"Pero el mar, qué quieto está, y nosotros en recreación. Espiritual, mental, carnal, plantando una revolución. Pero el mar, en su sazón, se ríe de este comedión. !Qué entretenimiento! Me quedo aquí que el agua está buena...."

"But the sea, it's so calm, and we're relaxing. Spiritually, mentally, carnally, planning a revolution. But the salty sea laughs at this comedy. Such entertainment! I'll stay here; the water's fine...."

30 January 2008

LOL!

I'm taking a sick day tomorrow and that means SLEEP! How long have I been fighting this insomnia? Too long....

In the meantime, some of my favorite commercials EVER:



This is number one on my list:


Good old advertising...

29 January 2008

Sleep deprived and needing amusement

Sometimes these cheesy quizzes just make my day:




Your Kisses Are Spicy and Wild



Your kisses are powerful stuff. They'll start a fire in almost anyone you kiss.

You kiss with passion, skill, and endurance. Anyone who kisses you is in for a long, intense ride.

You better watch out though. Your incredible kisses are likely to get you in trouble!






Guys Like That You're Fun



You're the type of girl guys brag about knowing

That's because you're cool, funny, and laid back

You're smart enough to know how to be one of the guys

But flirty enough to know how to make them all want you






Your Passion is Red!



You've got that spark - a good dose of intensity, power, and determination.

You do whatever you want in life ... to hell with what anyone thinks!

With so many interests and loves, you're always running around doing something new.

You have fire in your eyes, and it shows. Bet you're even wearing something red!


PS - I totally wore red shoes to work today...




You Scored an A



You got 10/10 questions correct.



It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors.

If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs.

As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human.

And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.








You Are Apple Green



You are almost super-humanly upbeat. You have a very positive energy that surrounds you.

And while you are happy go lucky, you're also charmingly assertive.

You get what you want, even if you have to persuade those against you to see things your way.

Reflective and thoughtful, you know yourself well - and you know that you want out of life.







You Can Make 71% of Your Crushes Fall in Love With You



Your seduction skills are practically legendary. You know how to close the deal.

Just don't let someone you're really into get the better of you!

As long as you keep up your end of the flirting game, you'll get the prize at the end.



and finally...




You Sometimes Don't Get Enough Sleep



You're often more tired than you'd like, and you're probably not getting enough quality sleep.

Sleeping a little more could make you a lot more energetic and happy.

Try having a bedtime, keep your bedroom cool, and only eat fruit before bed.



(No kidding...)

28 January 2008

typical?

I was talking to a friend today and he asked me what my favorite part of a man's body is. I told him and then he told me his favorite part of a woman's body. It was, of course, a pretty typical answer, especially for a Latino (Hips, thighs, and neck). It made me laugh because it was so predictable.

Here's my question, what's the stock answer for women? Ladies, what's the most common answer?

Leave a comment - it's for research purposes.


For the record, I'm a fan of nice, muscular forearms and big hands with nice nails.

25 January 2008

This video...

Takes me back...

A survey

1. In one sentence, explain what ended your last relationship:
How about one word? Self-respect.

2. What made you smile today?:
A million things, mostly that it's Friday and M is on his way.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8a.m.?:
Giving fourth period an exam.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?:
Cleaning some stuff.

5. Something that happened to you in 1985?:
My sister was born.

6. Your first day of high school?:
It was in 1996... I was new to Heidelberg.

7. Last thing you said aloud?:
Whaaaat?

8. Last thing someone else said aloud?:
Bye.

9. Worst thing currently on television:
Probably My Super Sweet Sixteen.

10. What was in the mail today?:
Haven't gotten it yet.

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?:
1. Agua.

12. What is your favorite part of the day?:
Anytime I get to sleep.

13. Your current To-Do list?:
Vacuum, clean up my room, clean the bathroom, and change the sheets.

14. Where is your best friend right now?:
Atlanta, as far as I know.

15. What color is your toothbrush?:
Green and white.

16. What is out your back door?:
The balcony.

17. Any plans for Friday night?:
See M. and head out. :D!

18. Least favorite place to shop:
The local mall when it's full of my students. Or Wal-Mart. (shudder)

19. Last thing you bought:
Groceries yesterday.

20. Last gift you received:
An I heart Hip Hop shirt. :) Love it!

21. Funniest thing you heard all day:
That I'm going to the Poconos on the 19th. Ha!

22. Favorite mug:
I don't have one.

23. What color is your front door?
A lovely shade I like to call "once white"

24. Beautiful is:
the beach. I feel like freaking Yoda.

25. Describe your keychain:
A leather tab with a Taíno symbol on it that says Puerto Rico.

26. Where do you keep your change?
In my wallet.

27. Say something to the number 1 person in your Top 8 on Myspace:
Alright, I stole this from myspace.... Hey sister!

28. What kind of winter coat do you have?:
A long green wool trench.

29. What was the weather like on your graduation day?:
The only one I attended: hot and humid.

30. Last ice cream flavor:
Low fat vanilla.

31. Last rainbow you saw:
Probably in Vietnam...

32. Something you are excited about:
My M coming here. So soon!

-----


A- attention! who are you?
Frances Joy


B- baby fat.. how heavy were you at birth?
6 pounds and change. I was a long skinny thing.

C- circles.. how many times around before you get dizzy?
Don't know.

D- devious.. best prank ever?
Probably the weekly Shannelese prank calls we pulled back in Atlanta...

E- envious.. what quality do you wish you had?
Six pack abs. And the ability to sleep.

F- fire! what gets you hot and bothered?
Fresh! I'm shocked and appalled!

G- guilty! of what?
Admiring my own booty.

H- high on life.. whats your favorite part about yours?
Experiences. I've had some once in a lifetime opportunities.

I- inconceivable!! what totally baffles you?
White supremecists. Really.

J- just like that! favorite position?
I'm a good girl, thank you very much.

K- knees... walk on yours. how do you feel?
Fine...

L- lights! or dark?
Depends...

M- maybe =) .. are you a tease, shy, or forward?
I have been accused of being a tease, but I disagree.

N- night! what do you wear to bed?
flannel pants and a t shirt

O- obsession.. what cant you get enough of?
Lately, Xavier Naidoo's music.

P- prohibition.. favored alcoholic drink?
water?

Q- quit it! what irritates you most?
Clingy men, people who want to "protect" me, kids who think everything should be given to them...

R- reverse.. how far can you walk backwards [without looking] before you hit something?
Not far.

S- silent! something you've never told before?
I'm honest to a fault, so nothing that comes to mind.


T- talent! any nifty ones?
I can fit my fist in my mouth. I guess that's more stupid human trick than talent, but hey... Oh! I can dance. Seriously.

U- utopia.. where would you live if money didnt matter?
Salvador do Bahia, Brazil.

V- violinin'.. play any instruments?
Piano, badly.

W- work.. what is your ideal job, realistically?
Ideal and realistic, eh? President of a non-profit working with underpriviliged kids and their educational opportunities.

X- marks the spot! whats your spot?
Goodness! I'm blushing!

Y- y did you do that? stupidest thing you've done...
Forgot to unlock the doors to my car when my laptop was inside it....

Z- best 'z' word ever?
Zafar - to be let loose or undone.
Also, zumbar - to throw (violently) = often used when you pull out into traffic knowing that you're cutting it close as in: I see that car coming, but I'm going to zumbarme anyway.

In English, though: zippy. It's just fun.

23 January 2008

On the lighter side...

Quiz results. Whoo hoo!








What Classic Pin-Up Are You?




You're Brigitte Bardot!
Take this quiz!








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Join

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Skeletons in the closet

I've finally got my New Year's Resolutions figured out: working on the skeletons in my closet. I'm dealing with my walls, with the emotional distance I set up between myself and others.... I've been talking to S a lot about this. This is the email that I sent him today:

I guess it's just that I'm coming to a place where I realize how much further I
still have to go. Puerto Rico:S::Atlanta:Frances Joy. I love that I could throw
an analogy in there. Basically, you grappled with your issues and got a kick in
the pants in PR, my big changes started in the ATL.
I remember getting back
from Costa Rica and literally saying, "I don't want to be comfortable anymore".
And off I went. It was the hardest year of my life, but it was the one time in
my life where I've felt like I was in the perfect place at the perfect time and
doing things that really mattered. I kind of felt that way about work last year,
too.
This year has been much more of a struggle. Between J, all the changes
at work, the possibility of moving, the friction with my parents, and the attack
of the exes (meant with as much love as I have for you both); I've been faced
with all those rough edges that ATL had started sanding down. Does that make
sense?
Basically PR and ATL were a beginning. They were a turning point -
good times, good lessons - but by no means the end of the journey. Maybe it's
just a quarter-life crisis, coupled with a healthy dose of SAD in my case, but
better to do all this sorting out now than to do it at forty.
I know what I
want and I have some plans to get there. The thing is that I've been telling
myself I'm much more confident than I really am. I've still been hiding all
those broken things in me. There's a part of me that doesn't really believe I
deserve everything I want. The thing that I need to work on is realizing that it
doesn't matter if I deserve it or not. I'm rediscovering grace, I think, which
is still the hardest part of my faith for me to accept. Gosh, I'm a terrible
Christian... Ha, ha.
I think Philly is a big part of this transformation - I
mean, even the decision to go. It's easy to be comfortable, but I'm at that
point where I'm saying "I don't want to be comfortable - or even slightly
uncomfortable." I want to get kicked out of my element and thrown into my
future. I want to learn to deal with all those things that terrify me - to stand
in the face of those giants and stare them down. I've got to get some emotional
bb guns to match the physical ones. ;) I need to get some confidence that
doesn't rest on pretty or smart, or even pretty and smart; I need confidence
based in an assurance of unconditional love. I'm definitely grappling with some
spiritual issues here as well....
What I wish I could remember is that when
I'm on better footing with God, I'm on better footing in all areas of my life. I
think I kind of kicked Him out when I started getting involved with J. Not
kicked Him out, but pushed Him aside. When I do that, I lose that sense of worth
- it's an easy thing for me to lose. The main thing I remember about why ATL was
so right is because I stopped stressing over every aspect. I just let go and let
God handle it. I need to be better about that.
I really didn't mean for this
email to head in this direction, but that's where I ended up. Go figure. I
process by writing. Anyway, I talk too much, and I don't know if any of this
made sense at all, but that's where I'm at - similar to where you are, I
think.... Good to know I'm not the only one.


So that's me right now... Working on me, working on grace, working on love....

22 January 2008

Ich kenne nichts das so schón ist wie du

Still not sleeping....
We're officially in count-down mode: M will be here Friday. I'm excited and nervous in equal parts. Excited because I haven't seen him in four years, and I've missed him. Nervous because he's an ex - THE ex - and I haven't seen him in four years. By this point, we've been apart longer than we've been together, but there's still a lack of - closure... We never really worked things out back then, and we've spent the last four years talking, flirting, whatever. As we say in Spanish: Donde hubo fuego quedan cenizas. Where there was fire, embers remain. Meaning if there was once love, that love never really fades completely. I feel that with M, especially since I'll be seeing him soon...

Here's a little bit more Xavier Naidoo for y'all:



I don't know anyone or anything that's as beautiful as you... Lovely.

21 January 2008

????

So I have the ads on here that are supposed to match up with what's on the blog and what do I find today? Gay friendly autos. Whaaaaat? I'm so confused....

18 January 2008

Peter on the Plane

First, here's another shirt that I want:





Now, I've been thinking about Peter from the Plane a lot lately. He was the guy I sat next to from DC to NYC, and we talked the whole time. He's a grad student, majored in philosphy in undergrad, and had packed for three weeks in Perú without really thinking, and mostly in plastic shopping bags. Anyway, aside from coining the term retrosexual (love it!) for people who still think that sex requires some kind of real emotional connection and commitment, he read me pretty well. I've been thinking a lot about what he said, as I mentioned earlier.

First, he realized that I'm the nicest person in the world (ha, ha). This he said with a bit of sarcasm, but also impressed by my line of work and history of volunteerism.
Then he said that he'd judged me, thinking that I was just a pretty girl, but apparently I was also smart and interesting. I told him I was a homely kid, so I was forced to develop a bit of personality, and he told me about ugly duckling syndrome. He asked me if I thought guys didn't take me seriously because of my looks. My answer? Yes. Absolutely. I know, I know, poor little pretty girl. But it does suck, because I'm much smarter than I look. And I'm less shallow than you might think. Don't let the make-up and stilettos fool you: I'm a lover of third world travel and beauty in the broken places. I want to live among the poor and work to better the world. I told him about my dreams for a non-profit in the States and the sister NGO working abroad, and he said he knew I'd do it because he could see the passion in my eyes.
As we parted ways in NY, he told me, "Don't forget, Frances, you're worth a million." And he seemed so incredibly sincere, that I felt like he knew how much I needed to be reminded of that. Anyway, I think about this now, and am desperately trying to remember that I really am worth a million. More than that. I am a bit insecure these days, but Peter on the Plane's words have been coming to me randomly when I most need them.
Funny how a person can be in your life for so little time and give you exactly what you need, not only in that moment, but for days later.

Hilarious

This thing makes me laugh. I totally want that shirt, btw.
Meez 3D avatar avatars games

17 January 2008

I hope my head always defers to my heart...

You know what kind of day it's been when I've got a double posting....
It looks like the snow has stopped and the roads are clear - double boo.

A friend told me to listen to Tracy Chapman's "Matters of the Heart" today, and I did. Wow. I've known this song forever, but it was like listening to it for the first time. Tracy Chapman has a seriously beautiful voice - heartbreaking, almost - and the lyrics are just so spot on. Can we just look at it as if it were a poem - some brilliant piece of literature - because it's just that good...

I lose my head
From time to time
I make a fool of myself
In matters
of the heart
We should have been holding each other
Instead we talked
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart
But I asked before
Your reply was kind and polite
One wants more
When one's denied
I make a fool of myself
In matters of the heart
I won't call it love
But it feels good to have passion in my life
If there's a battle
I
hope my head always defers to my heart
In matters of the heart
I guess
I'm crazy to think
I can give you what you don't want
I make a fool of
myself
In matters of the heart
I wish that I had the power
To make
these feelings stop
I lose all self control
In matters of the heart
I can't believe
Its so hard to find someone
To give affection to
And from whom you can receive
I guess it's just the draw of the cards
In matters of the heart
You caught me off guard
Somehow you reached
me
Where I thought I had nothing left inside
I've learned my lesson
I've been edified
In matters of the heart
I've spent my nights
Where the sleeping dogs lie
Not by your side
It feels so lonely
Once again I've left too much to chance
In matters of the heart
Here
I sit
I'm feeling sorry for myself
It's quite a sight
But I have you
to thank
For reminding me
We're all alone in this world
And in
matters of the heart
I'm already missing you
Although we won't say good
byes
Until tomorrow afternoon
Maybe when and if I see you again
We'll see eye to eye
In matters of the heart
I have no harsh words
for you
I have no tears to cry
If the moon were full
I'd be howling
inside
It only hurts
In matters of the heart
If today were my
birthday
I'd be reborn
As Bronte's bird, a bird that could fly
And
all accounts would be settled
In matters of the heart
Matters of the
heart


mmm.... It's like she knew everything I'd think and feel right now and set it to music. These lines: "I won't call it love/but it feels good to have passion in my life" and "I can't believe/It's so hard/to find someone who you can give affection to/and from whom you can receive" sum up everything I don't know how to say. I wish there were a way that I were aware of to link the lyrics to the actual song.... Seriously, what a VOICE.

I searched youtube for the song, but no luck. I did, however, come across this bit of loveliness. This girl's voice is AMAZING, and so is the translation into Spanish of another Tracy Chapman hit.

Snow...

It's snowing. The first big blizzard of the year. It's supposed to get worse, and so far, we've got at least two inches. After the snow, they're calling for sleet, after that, icy roads. Who's hoping they cancel school tomorrow? Ha, ha.

I hate snow - hate winter in general - but I love snow days. I'm already anticipating a day of packing and cleaning and grading papers while enjoying some fine Netflix selections. Let me not jinx myself though....

The past week and a half has been rough. I think (crossing fingers) that I'm coming to the top of that hill, though, and that it'll be smoother from here on out. I've got a few things to look forward to: MLK Jr. Day on Monday, M's visit that Friday, and the beginning of the semester. That brings me that much closer to Philly. I've set a deadline for myself: I must apply by Valentine's day. Why V Day? Why the heck not?

I've been a serious insomniac - I'm too stressed to sleep, but also too stressed to work. Go figure. That alone can make you feel like you're fighting your way through a permanent fog. Throw in the stress of exam review, friendship crises, a friend's death, and the need to move, and you've got a highly volatile situation. I am feeling like I need a vacation, and urgently. Of course, there's no time or money for that right now. Boo.

I haven't felt this frazzled since my first year of teaching when I felt like I couldn't get my head above water. Before that, it was exam time in college just before I went off to Costa Rica. The thing is, I hate this feeling. I don't know what to let go of: GC, Spanish Club, EDGE, two churches (could I just settle on one?), family, friends, working out, personal time.... The personal time is taking the biggest cut. I'm no fun these days. Ha, ha.

In more exciting news, M's coming to town for his birthday. I haven't seen him in about four years. I was in Atlanta the last time we hung out. Goodness, I do miss that man.... It'll be good to see him, even if it brings back a boatload of memories - both good and bad. I'm looking forward to it - sometimes it's the only thing that gets me through the days. I just have to get through one more week, and then I'll see him - and it's a short work week, so it's even better. He'll be my reward after semester exams.

I found this video that I used to love - one of those songs I still don't totally understand, but that I can feel - and it seems appropriate for M's upcoming visit. Like I said, I still don't totally get the lyrics (¿delfines en tu voz? Whaaat?), but there are some parts that I connect with, almost instinctively. They sing about not knowing whether to feel or to think, because even now, they love eachother. Hmm....


16 January 2008

Where's my passport?












I thought I was a real traveller, but I've only visited 10% of the world. I always knew there was a lot of world to see. Too bad I don't have equal funds to keep traveling.

13 January 2008

Story of my life....

Another song for my current soundtrack.


Why is it that songs can sum up everything I'm feeling and thinking when I can't even put those things into words?

Still formulating my goals for 2008, but I'm sure that this song could point me in the right direction. Okay, I'm gonna go be productive now.

Look at my...

Insomnia hard core. I can't sleep - too much on my mind. Thought I'd write a bit to see if I could get some of the stress out.

This is my favorite song lately - I'm so DC - and maybe I'm not quite at "phatty" status, but I do have a li'l Puerto Rican booty. So, the video isn't a real video, the point is the song.


So stinkin' catchy. And the video is forever long because it's got "Look at my Phatty" followed by "Stop the Violence" (love the juxtaposition).

And, that, folks, is DC's signature sound: Go-go.

12 January 2008

Bathing suit for me?

So I was looking for bathing suits online in anticipation of a trip to PR for Spring Break (crossing my fingers), when I stumbled across this one. I'm a huge fan of fifties glamour, Marilyn Monroe, and polka dots. I'm loving the suit, but I just can't convince myself to go for the ultra high waist bottoms...
Any opinions?


10 January 2008

Fiel makes me happy...

Ah, time for the sigh of relief. Exams are written. Everything is ready to be turned in tomorrow. Oh, and it's Thursday night. Maybe I'll be able to shake off this insomnia now.

I've been feeling like I'm living in a García Márquez novel - Cien Años de Soledad, to be exact - with the insomnia epidemic; lack of sleep makes everything feel like magical realism.

The good thing is that I've had a lot of time for introspection, something I was kinda needing. Today these lyrics just popped into my head and I couldn't get over how perfect they are for my current situation. They're from one of my favorite songs in the wide world by my favorite band ever, ever.

The song is "Solamente", the band: Fiel a la Vega, and the lyrics are as follows:
"Y la felicidad
A veces me está utópica señor
Como un sueño de Marx
Como una romántica canción
Pero si acercas tus dedos de enmancipación
Y liberas mi sed del dolor del sol
Remojas mis huellas por germinar
Retallas mi rostro sin descifrar
Rellenas mi espacio sin corazón
Y resurges mi idea de redención"

A rough translation:
And happiness
Sometimes seems utopian, Lord
like a Marxist dream
like a romantic song
but if you come closer with your emancipating fingers
and free my thirst from the pain of the sun
you will water my germinating footprints,
restore my undeciphered face,
refill my heartless space,
and restore my idea of redemption.

The lyrics are much too appropriate for me right now. I feel like everything's dancing just beyond my reach, like I have to settle for mediocrity because my standards seem to be more utopian than real-life. And when I talk about mediocrity, I mean in my personal life. I mean that I don't measure up to my own impossible standards.
This is where T's comment about my complejo comes in.

I'm too tired for much more... I'm out

09 January 2008

acomplejada and items for a woman's wardrobe.

Someone told me yesterday that I have a complex. His exact words were that I "have a complejo". This from someone who doesn't know me all that well. It went something like this:

Him: I can tell you got a little complejo.
Me: What?! How so?
Him: I don't know, I can just tell. I don't know why, because you're gorgeous.
Me: Hmm...
Him: I don't know, maybe you had your heart broken too many times. You got a little complejo, got some walls....

He may have hit the nail on the head. Not so much the multiple broken hearts, but the last one's still pretty recent. And by broken, I mean bruised. But yeah, it's rare that anyone reads that part of me as well as he did. Go figure.


That, however, is not my purpose for today's entry.
I was thinking today about the things that every woman should have in her wardrobe. So let's keep this light and relatively shallow and think about that, huh?

1. A hot pair of red shoes: Personally, I have three pairs: red pointy-toed stilettos, red patent leather wedges with a peep toe, and red strappy wedges with an ankle strap. There's nothing like a pair of sexy red shoes with an all-black outfit (and I wear way too much black) and nothing will boost your confidence as much. Besides, they're more practical than you might think - red goes with just about anything.

2. A fabulous coat: I've got my everyday green peacoat, which is cool enough (classic shape, funky color), but there's this great one for slightly warmer weather which is a showstopper: beige with a kind of leopard print - I feel so Jackie O in it. If you have to layer, the layers should be great.

3. Booty pants: These are the pants that show off a shapely booty or create one out of nothing. Great for your confidence, great for going out.

4. A bra for every occasion: The other day I saw a girl with a backless top with little ribbons framing the open expanse of her back. The top would've been great had it not been for the bra strap cutting across her back. Honey, there's a bra for that... Every woman should have a good push-up, a T-shirt bra, a convertible bra, a strapless/backless bra, and a supportive sports bra. And as long as we're on the subject, make sure that sucker does what it's meant to do and get one that fits. One should never underestimate the power of a good foundation....

5. A great bag: I'm talking one that's outside your basic black/brown plain handbag family. Pick a funky one and make it your signature piece. Leopard print, yellow, green, plum, red... Go for a classic shape in a wild color and work it - instant sophistication.

6. Great fitting jeans: There was a time in my life when I hated shopping for jeans. Half a gazillion squats later, I enjoy it much more. Great jeans are notoriously hard to find, but everyone should have at least one pair. They should be comfortable and classic and, of course, they should flatter your booty. Once you find a style that works for you, stock up. Gap's Long and Lean cut jeans are a perrenial favorite, and universally flattering.

7. A fitted blazer: The ultimate piece to create instant polish. Throw it on over some jeans for a casual pulled-together look or with pants or a skirt for work. It can go with a blouse, sweater, t-shirt... It just depends on the occasion.

8. A white blouse: No brainer, right? I like to get them with some unexpected details: textured fabrics, French cuffs, ruffles, whatever... It goes with everything. Seriously.

9. An A-line skirt: It looks good on anyone. You can dress it up or dress it down, and therefore, it works.

10. A black turtleneck sweater: Or any slim-fitting, neutral-colored sweater. It's warm and sexy.

11. A little black dress: Or several. I have a sleeveless cotton one for summer, a 3/4 sleeve wrap dress, among others. Dresses are totally underrated. It's one perfect go-to piece.

08 January 2008

Para que se te hinche el corazón

Si por casualidad
duermes y sueñas
que te acaricia la brisa
y sientes que el rocío
mañanero besa tiernamente
tu mejilla
y el aroma del café
te hace cosquillas
seguro sueñas
que estás en Puerto Rico.
Si por casualidad
duermes y sueñas
que te enamoran las olas
y que hay un cielo azul
en conjura con la Luna
para hacerte prisionero
no lo digas porque es
la Tierra que quiero
seguro sueñas
que estás en Puerto Rico.
Yo no puedo ocultar
el orgullo que siento
de ser puertorriqueño
y que mi pensamiento
no importa donde voy
se fuga hacia la Islita
no importa donde voy
a la Tierra Bendita
mi pensamiento
vuela.
Si por casualidad
duermes y notas
que una lagrima te brota
seguramente es
que yo sueño que camino
por las calles de mi pueblo
y en el ventorillo aquel
de mil recuerdos
revivió el ayer
quizá llorando
llorando..... llorando.....

--Bobby Capó



Love that song. Qué ganas tengo de regresar a mi Borinquen....

And just to make you a little prouder, some Boricuazo love to remind you just why Puerto Rico is such a wonderful place. As he says: Para que se te hinche el corazón (to make your heart swell)

Sound Track check

So, I still think that my life should have a soundtrack. For this week the songs are as follows:

1. "Sorry, Blame it on Me" by Akon because I'm taking blame left and right, and I find it easier to just say sorry, pretend like I'm the only one at fault. It cuts the arguments.
2. "Breathe In, Breathe Out" by Mat Kearney because he's freakin' brill. Also, it's líke I'm just taking things a moment at a time, so this song reminds me of how painfully slowly progress comes sometimes.
3. "Ya no siento" by Rosana because I've been fighting against a slew of vivid memories. It's been rough....
4. "Superwoman" by Alicia Keys. Nuff said.

07 January 2008

The upside of global warming

Yes, SUVs make Jesus cry, but my goodness! It was so nice out today! I mean, outside. In my classroom, it's roughly sixty degrees. If I hadn't worn a skirt anticipating the mid-sixties, I would've taught in my coat, but if I'd done that, no one would've seen my outfit - a little inappropriate for the classroom.

Good day, though. GC makes me happy. I mean, the kids do. The lack of prior planning on the part of those officially in charge is frustrating, but the kids! We're getting a bunch of them. New kids every week. And they're clicking with each other, which just makes my little heart swell with pride. I'm a proud mama. ;)

Other than that, I spent the weekend in NYC. A little breaky-break from the everyday VA. Enjoy the pics.


Welcome to Brooklyn!



Frances and Sammy with big smiles - early in the weekend....



Dance party face.




Pass that on over here! I heart pizza. I don't care if it's not real NY pizza. I love broccoli.





With Sam after the comedy club and the pizza. PS - there's nowhere to play pool at 2:30 am in NYC.

06 January 2008

...wir müssen geduldig sein...

Some things never change...

I was on the phone with an old friend today - an ex, to be exact - and it occured to me that change comes slowly.

In spite of the way things may come across in this blog, I'm not a very emotional person. I'm such a freakin' boy when it comes to feelings and tears and all that jazz. I hate crying, I hate having those conversations where you talk about how you feel, I hate that kind of vulnerability. I run from it. Seriously. And this is where what I'm thinking of comes in.

Two people like this can't have a real relationship, right? You can't have two people who don't want to discuss feelings ever work out a real relationship, can you? It might work for a while, but it will soon fall apart. I know this.

The thing is that I fell in love when I was about 19. Maybe it happened before then - I mean, I met him when I was 14, and I had a crush on him for the next three years. I confessed this to him, like, two weeks before I moved across the Atlantic. Goodness, I was young. It was ages ago; I've known him for eleven plus years.

He's still a part of my life. The only man I've ever really really loved. I'm a stupid girl, I know. Anyway, after my teenaged confession, we talked occassionally on the phone. I went off to college, and we kept talking. Only now it was something more regular. It got to the point where it was every night for hours. I was in love. He was the first man I ever said that to, the first time I meant it with everything in me, the man I thought I would marry. I was young. When we broke things off - badly, I might add - I was only twenty; he was twenty-one. It hurt to lose him.

I'll be honest, most of the break up was my fault. Yes, there were some things he could've done, but I'll take the bulk of the blame. It is what it is, and the truth is that I put that final nail in the coffin.

We didn't talk for a year. One long year. I thought about him all the time - wondered what he was doing, if he'd found someone else, if he thought of me.... When I couldn't stand it any longer, I sent him an email, gave him my phone number, told him to call me.

The miracle is that he did. And we settled back into this comfortable conversation. Not the five hours a night of yesteryear, but still considerable conversation. I remembered how much I'd loved him. I said it then, and I'll say it again: I think I'll always love him. Even if it could never work between us, there will always be a part of me that loves him.

There are things we never talk about, subjects that we hint at as we tip-toe around our vulnerabilities. I would've given everything for him. Really. Things fell apart then; they kind of imploded. Since then, we've almost confessed these residual feelings without ever really really clearing the air. I'm not going to open that can of worms and neither will he; we'd lose control of our carefully controlled emotions. When things get too intense, someone's phone magically dies or suddenly I'm interested in football, or he has things to do. We're not going to touch it.

Maybe we're still in love? Maybe it's hard to let go. Eleven years. Eleven years he's been in my life - an important part. I think about him. I think he thinks about me.

This kind of hurts my heart. I don't know what prompted me to write all this, to tell this story, except that I'm realizing how much I miss him. Five plus years later and I'm realizing how much I still miss him. Is there something wrong here? I'm sure I could write a list.

We almost talked about things today, again. Tip toed around the ruins of what once was, remembering the beauty and the pain of it. Then I tried to switch the subject to football.

He makes me painfully aware of my shortcomings, but at the same time, I want to make them better.... Cliche, I know.

Anyway, the point is that I don't know what the point of this entry is. I haven't resolved anything, though that wasn't my intention. I haven't somehow gotten over him, though that might be impossible. It's still the same confusing mess it's always been. But it's okay, I think. We'll muddle through it and come up with one of our confusing agreements.

Nur wir müssen geduldig sein... *

(I stole the title and the last line from the following song. It means "we have to be patient")